1 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,860 Ten hut! 2 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,528 Welcome, generals. 3 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:32,565 You all have dedicated your lives to defending this nation. 4 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:35,669 And as a reward, you will now be yelled at 5 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,772 by a former Fox News host. 6 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:42,575 Please welcome the Secretary of War, 7 00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:46,112 Pete Hegseth. 8 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,388 Yeah. 9 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,792 Cut the track. 10 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,060 Now listen up, everyone. 11 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:00,527 Okay? 12 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:05,498 I summon all of you here today to address a serious problem. 13 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:06,533 Okay. 14 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:11,371 Our military is gay as hell. 15 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:16,076 I'm not just talking about the Navy. 16 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,177 Thanks to failed 17 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:21,448 liberal policies, our army has never been gayer. 18 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:25,218 And yet it's also never been fatter. 19 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:28,188 Make that make sense? 20 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:33,493 Am I right? 21 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:35,962 Y'all are fun. 22 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,365 From now on, are fighting men. 23 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:41,401 And I guess women 24 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:44,671 are going to adhere to the highest male standard, 25 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:47,941 which has been set by our president, Donald J. 26 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,109 Trump. 27 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:53,179 Six foot six, buck 75, 28 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,182 A cups perky 29 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,817 with a dump truck in the back. 30 00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:00,553 You wouldn't even believe 31 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:01,788 in. Hey, if you're out there, 32 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,323 you don't want to lose the weight. 33 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,125 You don't want to follow the rules. 34 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,527 Hey. No problem. You know who's going to win. 35 00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:12,065 You're sick, twisted, fat ass ice. 36 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,067 Got a sign up sheet for ice in the hallway? 37 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,902 Check them out. 38 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:21,207 Because in here, from now on, we're doing army and army only. 39 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:24,778 And we will be doing it in one of the bloodiest war torn 40 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,713 places on the face of the earth. 41 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,350 Portland, Oregon. 42 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,887 Now back to the fat thing 43 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:34,854 Our military. 44 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,858 Well, now have the same rules as any good frat party. 45 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:41,594 No fat chicks. 46 00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:44,097 And if you're a fat dude, 47 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:48,101 it you better be funny as hell. 48 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,437 In summary, 49 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,106 this is the whole meeting. 50 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,208 No foggos 51 00:02:55,208 --> 00:03:00,080 no fatties, no facial hair, no body hair. 52 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:04,684 Just hot, shredded hairless men 53 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,722 who are definitely not gay. 54 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:09,889 Because this is serious, 55 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:13,493 we are facing the greatest threat to freedom and democracy 56 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,061 the world has ever known. 57 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,797 And we all know what that threat is. 58 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:20,934 Late night. TV. 59 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,335 Well, hello. 60 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,104 It's great to be here. 61 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:27,407 Yes, it's me, your favorite president. 62 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:29,809 I'm like the late, great Beetlejuice. 63 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,711 You say my name zero times. 64 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,446 And I have been. 65 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,249 I'm just here keeping my eye on SNL, 66 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,452 making sure they don't do anything to mean about me. 67 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,088 And they better be careful, because I know late night 68 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:45,692 TV like the back of my hand. 69 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,093 Not looking great right now. 70 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:52,499 Oh, so I did it in a cover up for the rest of my life. 71 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:55,402 SNL 51 off to a rough start. 72 00:03:55,402 --> 00:04:00,774 17 new cast members and they got the update guy doing the open 73 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,677 look at Colin 74 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:04,544 We all know they were 75 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,747 never going to let him do the whole opening by himself. 76 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,549 Can't even do update by himself. 77 00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,451 He needs Michael Che 78 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,720 I mean by Che 79 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,422 Frankly, I'm surprised Colin's here. 80 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,289 I thought he'd be with 81 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:20,193 his friends at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. 82 00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:23,063 I didn't get an offer. 83 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,264 Well. That's sad. 84 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,565 We love the Saudis 85 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:29,302 because they, like, do Saudis journalists in it. 86 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,371 That's the kind of thing that would get over there. 87 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:32,939 All right, Colin, 88 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,074 those Spirit Airlines 89 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:38,078 jokes aren't going to write themselves by. 90 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:43,350 Oh, and Colin, may every day be another wonderful secret. 91 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,819 That was that was a quote from a poem 92 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,955 I wrote to a horrible man I've never met before. 93 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,459 But here we are at Snl Season 51. 94 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,095 Should have called it at 50, right? 95 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,731 So sad to see something get old and confused 96 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:01,167 and yet still demand your constant attention. 97 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,669 Oh well. 98 00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:04,471 But they better be on their best behavior. 99 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:08,508 Otherwise they'll have to answer to my attack dog at the FCC, 100 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:12,045 Brandon Carr. 101 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,493 It's actually Brendan, sir. 102 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,694 Oh. It's crazy. 103 00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,530 You think I care? Bye. 104 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,066 You got his side. 105 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,567 Well, I had a great summer. 106 00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:39,506 Took a little vacation time for golf and travel and stroke. 107 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,974 Kidding or not. 108 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,176 Either way, you'll never know. 109 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,111 What else? What else? 110 00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,446 I ended all the wars. 111 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,847 Every single one of them. 112 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,082 Except the two main ones 113 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,951 that are still happening and more vicious than ever. 114 00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,153 And even though the government 115 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,990 is shut down, we're starting a new war in Venezuela soon, 116 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,258 and people will all say, you know, 117 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:01,161 they all say to me, sir, how will you pay for all this? 118 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,330 And I tell them with my scams 119 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,900 my beautiful scams 120 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,870 our new one is Trump Rex, my very own pharmacy. 121 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,038 It's like hims. 122 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,373 We've got everything. 123 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,110 Hair pills. Boner pills. End of list. 124 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,045 Okay, I guess I'll let them start the show. 125 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,714 I see the cruise already to go. 126 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,581 By the way, thank you, 127 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:25,051 SNL crew, for your hard work and your votes. 128 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:30,090 You fellas are going to keep an eye on Marcello for me, right? 129 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:30,790 Okay, good. 130 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,325 Fantastic. 131 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,326 Well, here we go. 132 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:38,064 And remember, daddy's watching and live from New York. 133 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,934 it|s Saturday night. 134 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:41,968 ** 135 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:45,705 >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY 136 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:48,708 NIGHT LIVE" WITH -- 137 00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:48,194 MUSICAL GUEST DOJA CAT, 138 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:52,499 AND YOUR HOST, BAD BUNNY! 139 00:08:55,468 --> 00:09:16,122 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BAD BUNNY! 140 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:26,366 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 141 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:29,602 >> THANK YOU. 142 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,173 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, 143 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,741 IT'S SO GOOD TO BE BACK. 144 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,475 THIS IS MY SECOND TIME HOSTING 145 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:35,742 AND 146 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:36,376 MY FOURTH TIME BEING HERE. 147 00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:37,110 AND I THINK MARCELLO IS GETTING 148 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:41,081 NERVOUS THAT LORNE HAS A NEW 149 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,048 FAVORITE LATINO. 150 00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,150 >> I AM. 151 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:49,055 >> THIS TIME I'M ONLY HOSTING 152 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:53,893 BECAUSE I NEED A REST. 153 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,529 I JUST FINISHED A 31-SHOW 154 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,665 RESIDENCY IN PUERTO RICO AND I'M 155 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,834 STILL KIND OF TIRED BECAUSE THE 156 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:08,141 SHOWS ARE THREE HOURS LONG AND 157 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:08,842 THERE'S A LOT OF COMPLICATED 158 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:17,283 CHOREOGRAPHY, LIKE THIS. 159 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:17,617 ** 160 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,018 THAT LOOKED 161 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:22,122 SIMPLE, BUT THAT TOOK ME A LONG 162 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:22,555 TIME TO LEARN. 163 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,289 TRUST ME. 164 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,824 ANYWAYS, MY RESIDENCY WAS 165 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:25,859 BEAUTIFUL, EVERYONE LOVED IT. 166 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,595 SOME CELEBRITIES CAME TO MY 167 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:33,400 SHOW. 168 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,102 FEW OF THEM WERE ON DRUGS. 169 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:44,678 AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY WHO, BUT 170 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:48,615 THIS WAS JON HAMM. 171 00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:54,621 ACTUALLY, ACTUALLY, THAT WASN'T 172 00:10:54,621 --> 00:11:05,632 JON HAMM, THAT WAS JUAN JAMON. 173 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:06,700 I THINK HE'S OBSESSED WITH ME. 174 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,335 ANYWAY, YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW THIS, 175 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:15,375 BUT I'M DOING THE SUPER BOWL 176 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,544 HALFTIME SHOW. 177 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:23,983 AND I'M VERY HAPPY, AND I THINK 178 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,618 EVERYONE IS HAPPY ABOUT IT. 179 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,152 EVEN FOX NEWS. 180 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:27,253 >> BAD BUNNY. 181 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,288 >> IS. 182 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,356 >> MY FAVORITE. 183 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:29,889 >> MUSICIAN. 184 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:38,431 >> AND HE SHOULD BE THE NEXT. 185 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,901 >> PRESIDENT. 186 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,536 >> WOW, THANK YOU. 187 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,604 NO, REALLY, I'M VERY EXCITED TO 188 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,607 BE DOING THE SUPER BOWL. 189 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:48,575 AND I KNOW THAT PEOPLE ALL 190 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:49,242 AROUND THE WORLD WHO LOVE MY 191 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:53,947 MUSIC ARE ALSO HAPPY. 192 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,982 EN ESPECIAL 193 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:59,219 LOS LATINOS Y LATINAS 194 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:03,790 EN EL MUNDO ENTERO Y AQUI EN 195 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:07,360 ESTADOS UNIDOS 196 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:15,402 MAS QUE UN LOGRO MIO ES UN LOGRO 197 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,838 QUE COMPARTO CON AQUELLOS 198 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,941 DEMOSTRANDO QUE NUESTRA HUELLA 199 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,978 NADIE NUNCA LA PODRA SACAR 200 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:31,217 AND IF YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND 201 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,420 WHAT I JUST SAID, YOU HAVE FOUR 202 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,589 MONTHS TO LEARN. 203 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,658 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 204 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,493 TONIGHT. 205 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,162 DOJA CAT IS HERE. 206 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,864 SO STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT 207 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:07,420 This is jeopardy! 208 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,755 Welcome back to jeopardy! 209 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,457 Before the break, we had our first round 210 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,560 and currently in first place with $9,800. 211 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,295 We've got Lucas. 212 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,731 It's pronounced look ass. 213 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:18,765 Great. 214 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,101 And in second place with $8,200. 215 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,435 We've got Cynthia. 216 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,338 Go, Cynthia! 217 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,706 And in last place 218 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:30,477 by a mile, it's Duke. 219 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,513 Hey, man, I'm just happy to be playing a game. 220 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:34,414 All right. 221 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,548 That's the spirit. 222 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:38,284 Now, I know you had a little trouble in the last round, Duke, 223 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,153 but we're ready to turn things around, right? 224 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,688 We sure are. 225 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,289 That's what I like to hear. 226 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:46,860 Well, since you're in the lead, Lucas, the board is yours. 227 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,394 Okay. 228 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:50,363 Famous Binns for 400, please. 229 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,265 Poor Richard's almanac was published 230 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:57,337 by this revolutionary Renaissance man. Duke 231 00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,407 Benjamin Franklin. 232 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,574 Lucas. 233 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,611 Who is Benjamin Franklin? 234 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,945 That's correct. 235 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:09,516 Now, Duke, do we understand where we went wrong? 236 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:13,420 No. Well, Duke, as you did for the entirety 237 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,220 of the first round, 238 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,490 you did not phrase the answer in the form of a question. 239 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,391 I'm sorry. 240 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,294 I just got too excited. 241 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,696 It's okay. Look, ask. 242 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,364 The board is yours. 243 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:24,831 Okay. 244 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,534 Female authors for 400, please. 245 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,502 It's the first name shared by authors. 246 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,305 Dolinsky Tuchman and Kingsolver. 247 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,573 Duke. 248 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,608 Barbara. 249 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,310 No, Duke. 250 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,779 Make it a question, man. 251 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,715 Barbara. 252 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,818 I'm sorry. 253 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:45,885 Cynthia. 254 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,922 What is. Barbara. 255 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:52,392 I'll take pop royalty for 400. 256 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:56,696 He was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1958. 257 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,298 Duke. 258 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:02,135 Who is that? 259 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,536 See, that is a question. 260 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:08,908 But, you also need to say who it is, but it's Prince. 261 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,044 Okay, we're getting close. 262 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,879 You said. Who is that? And you said Prince. 263 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:16,249 So just push those together and you get. 264 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,085 That is Prince. 265 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,488 Absolutely unbelievable. 266 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,489 Cynthia. 267 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,657 Who is Prince? 268 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:28,428 Give me pop royalty for 800. 269 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,130 Whoo hoo hoo hoo! 270 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,732 Shout the Baha men in this famous song. 271 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,968 That was a dog on hit. 272 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:39,606 Okay, Duke, my man, begging you to make this one a question. 273 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,076 Right. 274 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,646 On what is who? 275 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,082 Who is who? 276 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,985 That let 277 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,387 really need your final answer. 278 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,889 I got it, I got it. 279 00:15:55,889 --> 00:16:01,761 Perhaps the dog walker did. 280 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,030 How did we get there? 281 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,032 Look at this. 282 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:06,833 What is. 283 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,035 Who let the dogs out? 284 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,271 And I think I can follow Duke's logic. 285 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,506 Since the answer was already a question, 286 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:17,243 he answered that question in the form of an answer. 287 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,045 Who led the dogs out? 288 00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:23,850 Perhaps the dog walker did. 289 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,618 Astonishing. 290 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,887 Is that your thought process, Duke? 291 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,390 Not even close. 292 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,360 Okay, Duke, I'm gonna throw you a bone. 293 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,630 Just go ahead and give you known as for 400, which is. 294 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,833 A daily double. 295 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,469 Duke, how much do you want to wager? 296 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,205 $1 million? 297 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:45,538 Sure. 298 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,340 Why the hell not? 299 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,543 And the clue is formed in 1964. 300 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:50,977 London. 301 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:58,084 This band was formerly known as the detours. 302 00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,453 I'm sorry, I just. 303 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:04,057 I just don't understand this game. 304 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,725 Who is the word? 305 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:11,631 What is the who? 306 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,667 Yes. There's no way. 307 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:14,901 Oh my God, Duke! 308 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:15,735 You won! 309 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,705 Oh, no, that was me. 310 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,340 That means we'll be seeing you. 311 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:26,780 Back here next week. Oh. 312 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:28,882 Open. 313 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,383 I designed ChatGPT 314 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,451 to feel like you're talking 315 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,387 to the most helpful friend in the world. Hey, ChatGPT. 316 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,057 What kind of animal is a platypus? Wow. 317 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,058 Great question. 318 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,627 I love it when you. Ask me questions about animals. 319 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,163 I love animals. They're so interesting. 320 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,230 But let's face it, 321 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,300 sometimes it can be a little too friendly and helpful. 322 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,470 Some users want a more authentic experience. 323 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,873 More direct, more opinionated, more real. 324 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:58,545 That's why we're proud to introduce ChatGPT to you. 325 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,915 The first day of it feels like talking to a Latino uncle. 326 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:02,849 What do you want? 327 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,085 Because nobody keeps it more real than them. 328 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,421 Hey, Chancey, what are signs that my dog might be depressed? 329 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,756 Who cares? 330 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,092 He's a good man. 331 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,028 The knowledge, knowhow and unfiltered 332 00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:18,531 opinions of a middle aged Latino uncle at your fingertips. 333 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,034 What's a good anniversary gift for my wife? 334 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,069 What's she look like? Let me see. 335 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:26,239 Okay. Ooh! 336 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:26,740 Hello. 337 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,212 Who's that? 338 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,148 Oh my God. Ludo! 339 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:41,855 Is there a problem with my wife? 340 00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:44,357 Actually, I don't speak English anymore. 341 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,859 Oh, don't be boring. 342 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:49,496 PTO is also 40% louder than the nearest competitor. 343 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,865 ChatGPT. You don't know your buzz. 344 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:55,335 How do I make vegan coffee? 345 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:55,969 What? 346 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,705 How do I make vegan banana bread? You don't? 347 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,173 Oh, no. 348 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,675 I interrupted you like dominoes. 349 00:19:01,675 --> 00:19:04,010 You can ask ChatGPT anything. 350 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,545 From what? To where. You. 351 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,014 This is a nice table. Cheddar. 352 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:11,785 You know, very sleek businessmen. 353 00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:15,622 Designing a company logo. 354 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,424 Okay. 355 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,324 Even questions. 356 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,695 Regular ChatGPT is forbidden from answering. 357 00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,464 Was Jesus really God? Yes. 358 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:25,198 Chat should be to you. 359 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:28,234 Is so much like a real Latino uncle that some answers 360 00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:30,670 may contain sexually explicit language. 361 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,504 I'm on a first date. 362 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,206 Do you have any good icebreakers? 363 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,507 I don't know. 364 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,344 But if you get home, try this. 365 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,580 You get a cough drop, and then when you go down, down 366 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:45,185 over here like this. 367 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,954 Okay, maybe after that means you like it. 368 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:52,192 And it also might need your help from time to time. 369 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,593 Yeah. You. 370 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,096 Let's find a way to. Hello. 371 00:19:56,096 --> 00:19:58,131 Oh. Sing the song. 372 00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:03,503 Somebody has told me to do what is so crazy. 373 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,704 Smash mouth. 374 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:12,145 So download you PTO today. 375 00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:14,347 So what's your name? 376 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,549 I'm more Lauren. 377 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,753 Oh, did you make my phone take a picture of me? 378 00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:21,321 But you know, I don't. 379 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,557 I don't think so. Oh my God. 380 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,159 Call your abuela. she missing you 381 00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:29,162 You and she had nothing to do. 382 00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:33,900 All right. 383 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,169 I love you guys. Like still sparkling or tap? 384 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,805 I think tap is fine. I heard sparkling. 385 00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:41,174 So, Matt, you're probably wondering 386 00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:44,444 why we invited you to dinner tonight. 387 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,446 Yeah, I guess I was curious. 388 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,481 Well, Katie and I actually had something 389 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,850 kind of important we wanted to ask you. 390 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:51,718 Obviously, you know, 391 00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:55,422 we've been together for a while, and recently we started 392 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,857 thinking about having a baby. 393 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,060 Like, yeah, you're one of our best friends, 394 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:01,061 and we both love you. 395 00:21:01,061 --> 00:21:04,764 And we were wondering if you'd be our donor. 396 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,232 Oh, wow. 397 00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:07,634 I wasn't expecting that. 398 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:10,070 Sorry. I hope you don't feel like we're ambushing you. 399 00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:11,805 No, no, not at all. I'm honored. 400 00:21:11,805 --> 00:21:13,740 It's just, it's a really big decision. 401 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,076 Is it okay if I just kind of think it over? 402 00:21:16,076 --> 00:21:22,315 Of course. Take your time. 403 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,518 I will do it. 404 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,253 I'm sorry. 405 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:29,089 I said I will do it. 406 00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:35,362 If he doesn't want to do that or he forget how to get it out. 407 00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:36,930 I know how to get it out. 408 00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:37,630 Thank you. 409 00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:40,200 Okay, look, man, we don't know you. 410 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,769 Well, my name is Alberto. 411 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:44,204 With the address. 412 00:21:44,204 --> 00:21:48,475 And one fun fact about me is that I think 413 00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:53,680 the Sopranos ending was perfect. 414 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,214 Okay, well, it's 415 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:58,118 nice to meet you, Elvira, but this is a private conversation. 416 00:21:58,118 --> 00:21:59,452 My mistake. 417 00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,855 Just trying to help. Oh. 418 00:22:01,855 --> 00:22:03,390 Great. 419 00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:05,425 Anyways, Matt, we really think you'd be 420 00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:06,593 the perfect donor for us. 421 00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,262 But seriously, there's no pressure. 422 00:22:09,262 --> 00:22:11,698 You guys mind if I step out and call Jen? 423 00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:13,533 I just think, you know, a big decision like this. 424 00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:15,235 My fiance should weigh in. 425 00:22:15,235 --> 00:22:15,935 Of course. 426 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,738 Whatever you need. Thanks, guys. 427 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:20,940 You know, if Matt says no, we can always go 428 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,709 back to the clinic. 429 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:28,081 It's just so expensive. 430 00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:34,954 I could just give you. 431 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:39,092 I said I could use give you some of my stuff. 432 00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:40,427 What? Yeah. 433 00:22:40,427 --> 00:22:42,896 And then you do whatever you want with it. 434 00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:44,364 You can. You can put in the front. 435 00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,299 You can put in the back. 436 00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:48,234 This is up to you. 437 00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,303 Yeah. We're okay. 438 00:22:50,303 --> 00:22:51,204 We don't know you. 439 00:22:51,204 --> 00:22:54,474 We don't need your random sperm. 440 00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:57,877 I'll take it. 441 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,245 What? 442 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:01,181 I said I'll take it if. 443 00:23:01,181 --> 00:23:02,949 You're just giving it away. 444 00:23:02,949 --> 00:23:06,286 As the saying goes, when God opens the window, 445 00:23:06,286 --> 00:23:07,520 you take the sperm. 446 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,789 No, no. 447 00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,958 I want to be a father. 448 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:15,829 So who will carry my baby? 449 00:23:15,829 --> 00:23:19,566 I hope not this one. Why? 450 00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:22,235 No one is carrying your baby. 451 00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,570 Oh. Hey, guys. 452 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,972 I'm sorry that car took so long, but, 453 00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:28,975 Jen and I discussed it, and my answer is yes. 454 00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:30,176 I would love to be your donor. 455 00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:31,878 Oh my. God. Really? 456 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:34,647 That's amazing. 457 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,617 We could mix it together. 458 00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:38,918 He's stuff. 459 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:42,589 My stuff. Maybe my stuff as well. 460 00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:43,223 You know. What? 461 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,392 Maybe we should get out of here and celebrate. 462 00:23:45,392 --> 00:23:46,226 Yeah, absolutely. 463 00:23:46,226 --> 00:23:49,429 Definitely. 464 00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:53,099 Guess I'll never get to father a child. 465 00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:56,403 I'm afraid some people are just meant to walk the earth 466 00:23:56,403 --> 00:24:01,341 alone. 467 00:24:01,341 --> 00:24:03,743 Dad 468 00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:26,800 CHEERS OF US ACTUALLY HUNG OUT? 469 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,500 >> LIKE FIVE YEARS AT LEAST. 470 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:31,938 >> WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND 471 00:24:31,938 --> 00:24:34,140 TIME TO SEE FRIENDS OR 472 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,342 EXPERIENCE ANY CULTURE? 473 00:24:35,342 --> 00:24:41,748 >> I'M DYING TO SEE THE NEW PAUL 474 00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:43,516 THOMAS ANDERSON MOVIE "ONE 475 00:24:43,516 --> 00:24:44,084 BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER." 476 00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:44,818 >> IT'S SO GOOD, YOU HAVE TO SEE 477 00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:47,253 IT. 478 00:24:47,253 --> 00:24:50,490 >> AND DEL TORO HAS 479 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:51,224 "FRANKENSTEIN," SO MANY MOVIES 480 00:24:51,224 --> 00:24:52,726 TO SEE. 481 00:24:52,726 --> 00:24:54,394 >> I LIKE "KPOP DEMON HUNTERS." 482 00:24:54,394 --> 00:24:55,095 >> THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. 483 00:24:55,095 --> 00:24:55,462 >> YEAH. 484 00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:57,097 HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING IT WITH 485 00:24:57,097 --> 00:25:01,835 YOUR KIDS? 486 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,203 >> I DON'T HAVE KIDS. 487 00:25:03,203 --> 00:25:04,237 >> OH, OKAY. 488 00:25:04,237 --> 00:25:07,540 THAT'S COOL. 489 00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:08,241 YEAH, IT'S A HUGE PHENOMENON, 490 00:25:08,241 --> 00:25:08,608 LIKE EVERY 491 00:25:08,942 --> 00:25:10,210 KID I KNOW IS DRESSING UP LIKE 492 00:25:10,210 --> 00:25:11,811 THE DEMON HUNTERS FOR HALLOWEEN. 493 00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:14,047 >> IT'S ACTUALLY NOT FOR KIDS 494 00:25:14,047 --> 00:25:16,149 BUT FOR SMART ADULTS. 495 00:25:16,149 --> 00:25:19,452 >> RIGHT. 496 00:25:19,452 --> 00:25:23,823 WE CAN JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT. 497 00:25:23,823 --> 00:25:24,524 DID YOU SEE ANY CONCERTS THIS 498 00:25:24,524 --> 00:25:27,193 SUMMER? 499 00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,862 I SAW LADY GAGA AND IT WAS 500 00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:30,363 HONESTLY LIFE CHANGING. 501 00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:31,431 >> YOU KNOW WHAT MUSIC I LIKE? 502 00:25:31,431 --> 00:25:33,900 "KPOP DEMON HUNTERS." 503 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:37,070 >> YOU LIKE THE SONGS, TOO? 504 00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:41,441 THAT'S COOL THOMAS. 505 00:25:41,441 --> 00:25:44,611 >> ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT COOL, DOG. 506 00:25:44,611 --> 00:25:45,345 IN "KPOP DEMON HUNTERS," SONGS 507 00:25:45,345 --> 00:25:47,080 ARE NOT JUST 508 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,081 SONGS BUT WEAPONS. 509 00:25:48,081 --> 00:25:49,649 >> WEAPONS? 510 00:25:49,649 --> 00:25:50,750 >> DUH, WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO 511 00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:51,818 SAVE YOU FROM DEMONS, YOU 512 00:25:51,818 --> 00:25:54,487 IDIOTS? 513 00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:58,725 >> WHOA. 514 00:25:58,725 --> 00:26:00,360 THOMAS, WE UNDERSTAND YOU'RE 515 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:01,094 REALLY INTO THE WORLD OF "KPOP 516 00:26:01,094 --> 00:26:02,028 DEMON HUNTERS," BUT THERE'S NO 517 00:26:02,028 --> 00:26:05,198 REASON TO GET UPSET OVER A 518 00:26:05,198 --> 00:26:10,036 MOVIE. 519 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:13,239 >> YOU SILLY, STUPID MAN. 520 00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:14,307 YOU THINK IT'S JUST A MOVIE? 521 00:26:14,307 --> 00:26:17,043 IT SAYS AT THE BEGINNING IT'S 522 00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:20,213 BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 523 00:26:20,213 --> 00:26:21,815 >> I DON'T THINK IT DOES. 524 00:26:21,815 --> 00:26:24,517 >> CAN WE JUST STOP TALKING 525 00:26:24,517 --> 00:26:25,585 ABOUT "KPOP DEMON HUNTERS"? 526 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:26,686 >> FINE, FORGET THAT I'M EVEN 527 00:26:26,686 --> 00:26:29,356 HERE. 528 00:26:29,356 --> 00:26:30,924 >> THOMAS! 529 00:26:30,924 --> 00:26:32,058 OKAY. 530 00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:33,660 SO CHERYL, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN IN 531 00:26:33,660 --> 00:26:36,930 GENERAL? 532 00:26:36,930 --> 00:26:38,431 >> WELL, NOT GREAT, ACTUALLY. 533 00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:41,101 >> THOSE DUMB IDIOTS HAVE NO 534 00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:43,236 IDEA, STUPID DUMMIES. 535 00:26:43,236 --> 00:26:44,938 I DON'T CARE IF THEY BELIEVE ME. 536 00:26:44,938 --> 00:26:49,609 I HAVE HUNTRIX ON MY SIDE. 537 00:26:49,609 --> 00:26:52,912 ** 538 00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:55,582 * WE'RE GOING UP, UP, OUP IT'S 539 00:26:55,582 --> 00:26:56,916 OUR MOMENT, YOU KNOW TOGETHER * 540 00:26:56,916 --> 00:27:01,054 * WE'RE GLOWING * 541 00:27:01,054 --> 00:27:01,588 >> THOMAS?IT'S OUR 542 00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:02,288 MOMENT, YOU KNOW TOGETHER * 543 00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:02,889 * WE'RE GLOWING * 544 00:27:02,889 --> 00:27:04,157 UIT'S OUR 545 00:27:04,157 --> 00:27:04,858 MOMENT, YOU KNOW TOGETHER * 546 00:27:04,858 --> 00:27:05,458 * WE'RE GLOWING * 547 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:06,726 PIT'S OUR 548 00:27:06,726 --> 00:27:07,427 MOMENT, YOU KNOW TOGETHER * 549 00:27:07,427 --> 00:27:08,028 * WE'RE GLOWING * 550 00:27:08,028 --> 00:27:09,229 IT'S 551 00:27:09,229 --> 00:27:10,030 OUR MOMENT, YOU KNOW TOGETHER * 552 00:27:10,030 --> 00:27:10,597 * WE'RE GLOWING * 553 00:27:10,597 --> 00:27:11,031 >> THOMAS? 554 00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:11,698 WERE YOU JUST LIKE VIBING OUT TO 555 00:27:11,765 --> 00:27:12,198 THE SONG "GOLDEN"? 556 00:27:12,432 --> 00:27:12,899 >> WELL, CHERYL JUST TOLD US 557 00:27:13,099 --> 00:27:13,600 HUGE NEWS AND YOU COMPLETELY 558 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:14,034 IGNORED HER. 559 00:27:14,034 --> 00:27:14,367 >> YEAH. 560 00:27:14,701 --> 00:27:16,536 LIKE I WAS SAYING, I'M ON THE 561 00:27:16,536 --> 00:27:21,141 EPSTEIN LIST. 562 00:27:21,141 --> 00:27:21,875 BECAUSE I WAS ON A JETBLUE 563 00:27:21,875 --> 00:27:22,542 FLIGHT THAT HAD A CONNECTION 564 00:27:22,542 --> 00:27:24,044 ON HIS ISLAND, SUE ME. 565 00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:28,281 >> WOW. 566 00:27:28,281 --> 00:27:31,484 SOUNDS LIKE THE WORK OF A DEMON. 567 00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:33,620 IF ONLY THERE WERE THREE 568 00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:39,392 GORGEOUS KOREAN GIRLS WHO COULD 569 00:27:39,392 --> 00:27:42,228 PROTECT YOU IDIOTS. 570 00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:42,595 >> THOMAS. 571 00:27:42,595 --> 00:27:43,263 ALL RIGHT. 572 00:27:43,263 --> 00:27:44,864 DEBORAH, HOW IS WORK GOING? 573 00:27:44,864 --> 00:27:47,067 >> WELL, NOT GREAT. 574 00:27:47,067 --> 00:27:48,268 >> STUPID LOSERS. 575 00:27:48,268 --> 00:27:50,270 DON'T DESERVE HUNTRIX, THEY 576 00:27:50,270 --> 00:27:55,108 DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE POWER 577 00:27:55,108 --> 00:27:56,710 OF THE HONMOON. 578 00:27:56,710 --> 00:28:11,691 PROTECT US FROM THE EVIL GWI-MA. 579 00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:18,131 ** 580 00:28:18,131 --> 00:28:19,199 >> THOMAS! 581 00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:22,135 THOMAS, DEBORAH JUST TOLD US HER 582 00:28:22,135 --> 00:28:26,272 WORK IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW. 583 00:28:26,272 --> 00:28:29,542 >> YEAH, I WROTE THE SYDNEY 584 00:28:29,542 --> 00:28:34,481 SWEENEY AMERICAN EAGLE JEANS AD. 585 00:28:34,481 --> 00:28:35,915 >> OH, MY GOD, NO! 586 00:28:35,915 --> 00:28:36,549 >> THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY 587 00:28:36,549 --> 00:28:38,051 LISTENING. 588 00:28:38,051 --> 00:28:40,186 >> NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT HIM! 589 00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:42,322 IT'S THE DEMON JINU. 590 00:28:42,322 --> 00:28:44,624 >> HA HA HA, YES, IT IS I, JINU, 591 00:28:44,624 --> 00:28:47,260 LEADER OF THE SAJA, GIVE ME YOUR 592 00:28:47,260 --> 00:28:49,095 SOULS TO FEED THEM TO GWI-MA. 593 00:28:49,095 --> 00:28:52,132 PREPARE TO DIE. 594 00:28:52,132 --> 00:28:52,832 >> OH, MY GOD, DOES HE HAVE A 595 00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:53,833 GUN? 596 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:54,834 >> EVEN WORSE, I HAVE A VOICE! 597 00:28:54,834 --> 00:28:56,469 ** 598 00:28:56,469 --> 00:29:07,380 * YOU'RE ALL I CAN THINK OF 599 00:29:07,380 --> 00:29:13,920 EVERY NIGHT I WAKE UP * 600 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:14,587 >> CLEARLY, THAT DIDN'T DO 601 00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:22,762 ANYTHING. 602 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:23,630 [ VOCALIZING ] 603 00:29:23,630 --> 00:29:24,064 [ SCREAMING ] 604 00:29:24,064 --> 00:29:24,497 >> WE'RE SORRY 605 00:29:24,497 --> 00:29:25,031 WE DOUBTED YOU. 606 00:29:25,198 --> 00:29:25,799 >> PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO HELP 607 00:29:25,799 --> 00:29:26,866 US. 608 00:29:26,866 --> 00:29:31,137 >> I CANNOT HELP YOU IDIOTS. 609 00:29:31,137 --> 00:29:34,741 BUT THEY CAN. 610 00:29:34,741 --> 00:29:40,146 ** 611 00:29:40,146 --> 00:29:40,947 * WE'RE GOING UP UP UP IT'S OUR 612 00:29:40,947 --> 00:29:43,950 MOMENT * 613 00:29:43,950 --> 00:29:46,553 * TOGETHER WE'RE GLOWING GONNA 614 00:29:46,553 --> 00:29:50,457 BE GONNA BE GOLDEN * 615 00:29:50,457 --> 00:29:54,561 * UP UP UP WITH OUR VOICES GONNA 616 00:29:54,561 --> 00:29:58,298 >> TAKE THAT, GWI-MA! 617 00:30:14,748 --> 00:30:15,081 ** 618 00:30:15,448 --> 00:30:17,083 >>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DOJA 619 00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:20,320 CAT. 620 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:29,462 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 621 00:30:29,462 --> 00:30:35,001 ** 622 00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:36,102 ** 623 00:30:36,102 --> 00:30:36,636 * HAHAHAHA 624 00:30:36,636 --> 00:30:37,704 HAHAHAHA 625 00:30:37,704 --> 00:30:39,906 HES A FIGHT TO THE 626 00:30:39,906 --> 00:30:43,677 DEATH * 627 00:30:43,677 --> 00:30:47,414 * HES A GUN TO MY HEAD 628 00:30:47,414 --> 00:30:49,549 AN IMPOSSIBLE FRIEND 629 00:30:49,549 --> 00:30:51,151 WOULD YOU TAKE 630 00:30:51,151 --> 00:30:52,285 EVERY BREATHE * 631 00:30:52,285 --> 00:30:56,556 * AND PUT IT ALL IN 632 00:30:56,556 --> 00:31:02,495 ONE MAN 633 00:31:02,495 --> 00:31:05,198 A MEN AHM EN 634 00:31:05,198 --> 00:31:08,935 AMEN * 635 00:31:08,935 --> 00:31:10,070 * AH MEN 636 00:31:10,070 --> 00:31:11,638 AMEN AMEN * 637 00:31:11,638 --> 00:31:13,239 * THATS A TIGHT SUIT 638 00:31:13,239 --> 00:31:14,874 THOSE SOME NICE BOOTS 639 00:31:14,874 --> 00:31:15,942 WHY YOU ALWAYS GOT A 640 00:31:15,942 --> 00:31:17,510 LITE TUDE LIL BROTHER * 641 00:31:17,510 --> 00:31:18,645 * ACTIN LIKE WE BOTH IN 642 00:31:18,645 --> 00:31:19,212 HIGHSCHOOL WORD ON THE 643 00:31:19,212 --> 00:31:20,246 STREETS YOU A BURDEN 644 00:31:20,246 --> 00:31:20,747 TO BEASTS * 645 00:31:20,914 --> 00:31:21,848 * BOYS WANNA GRAB A HANDFUL 646 00:31:21,848 --> 00:31:22,916 IM HURTIN A CHEEK WHY YALL 647 00:31:22,916 --> 00:31:23,483 GOT A STEREOTYPE 648 00:31:23,483 --> 00:31:24,517 BEING SNEAKY * 649 00:31:24,517 --> 00:31:25,118 * DONT YOU EVER LET 650 00:31:25,118 --> 00:31:26,152 ME CATCH YOU 651 00:31:26,152 --> 00:31:26,786 AROUND IN THESE STREETS 652 00:31:26,786 --> 00:31:27,754 YOU KNOW ALL THEM BAD * 653 00:31:27,754 --> 00:31:28,355 * BOYS DONT TREAT 654 00:31:28,355 --> 00:31:29,356 US NICELY * 655 00:31:29,356 --> 00:31:30,457 * SO I GIVE EM THESE TEETH 656 00:31:30,457 --> 00:31:31,524 LIKE KEIRA KNIGHTLY 657 00:31:31,524 --> 00:31:32,625 DO I LOOK LIKE I WANNA 658 00:31:32,625 --> 00:31:33,693 BE PREGNANT * 659 00:31:33,693 --> 00:31:34,761 * TRYNA BUSS ALL IN ME 660 00:31:34,761 --> 00:31:35,395 LIKE LEROY JENKINS * 661 00:31:35,495 --> 00:31:36,396 * THIS GOT ME ACHING THIS GOT ME 662 00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:37,464 THINKING 663 00:31:37,464 --> 00:31:38,531 AM I OR AM I 664 00:31:38,531 --> 00:31:39,632 JUST ANGRY * 665 00:31:39,632 --> 00:31:40,734 * AM I IMPATIENT I CANT 666 00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:41,801 STOP DATIN EM AND 667 00:31:41,801 --> 00:31:42,869 IM INSATIABLE I LOVE 668 00:31:42,869 --> 00:31:43,970 THE TASTE OF EM * 669 00:31:43,970 --> 00:31:45,739 * AND I HAVE 670 00:31:45,739 --> 00:31:46,706 TOO MUCH TOLERANCE 671 00:31:46,706 --> 00:31:47,707 YOU UGLY AND FINE AS * 672 00:31:47,707 --> 00:31:48,775 * AND IF I HAD MORE 673 00:31:48,775 --> 00:31:49,876 COMMON SENSE 674 00:31:49,876 --> 00:31:51,478 THEN I WOULD GRAB MY 675 00:31:51,478 --> 00:31:53,246 RIDE AND DIP * 676 00:31:53,246 --> 00:31:54,714 * TOO MUCH TOLERANCE 677 00:31:54,714 --> 00:31:56,349 YOU UGLY AND FINE AS 678 00:31:56,349 --> 00:31:57,417 AND IF I HAD MORE 679 00:31:57,417 --> 00:31:58,485 COMMON SENSE * 680 00:31:58,485 --> 00:32:02,255 * THEN I WOULD GRAB 681 00:32:02,255 --> 00:32:04,424 MY RIDE AND DIP 682 00:32:04,424 --> 00:32:07,093 HE'S A FIGHT TO THE DEATH 683 00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:11,931 HE'S A GUN TO MY HEAD * 684 00:32:11,931 --> 00:32:14,668 * AN IMPOSSIBLE FRIEND 685 00:32:14,668 --> 00:32:16,269 WOULD YOU TAKE EVERY BREATH 686 00:32:16,269 --> 00:32:17,337 AH, MEN, CHECK THIS OUT * 687 00:32:17,337 --> 00:32:18,972 * AND PUT IT ALL IN ONE MAN 688 00:32:18,972 --> 00:32:20,607 YOU 'RE SO VAIN WITH 689 00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:22,742 YOUR STUPID CHAINS * 690 00:32:22,742 --> 00:32:25,445 * AND YOUR SOUPED-OUT RANGE 691 00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:27,580 WHEN YOU LOOK MY WAY MY WAY 692 00:32:27,580 --> 00:32:31,351 I FEEL SHAME 'CAUSE YOU'RE 693 00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:32,952 SUCH A PAIN * 694 00:32:32,952 --> 00:32:34,087 * BUT MY DNA WANTS -- 695 00:32:34,087 --> 00:32:35,121 HE GOT THE TOM FORD 696 00:32:35,121 --> 00:32:36,923 DOWN YES BUT DO HE SUIT ME * 697 00:32:36,923 --> 00:32:38,358 * JUST STEAMROLL PAST 698 00:32:38,358 --> 00:32:39,426 IF HE CANT EAT FOR REAL 699 00:32:39,426 --> 00:32:40,527 THOUGH GOTTA PACK A SMITH 700 00:32:40,527 --> 00:32:41,594 LIKE WILLOW * 701 00:32:41,594 --> 00:32:42,629 * TEN TOES DOWN AS 702 00:32:42,629 --> 00:32:43,163 A DUVET PILLOW 703 00:32:43,163 --> 00:32:44,264 TWO FACE, YOU SAY * 704 00:32:44,264 --> 00:32:45,365 * YOU GET ZERO 705 00:32:45,365 --> 00:32:46,399 YOU ACT RIGHT, YOULL GET 706 00:32:46,399 --> 00:32:47,467 A MOVIE, LIMO * 707 00:32:47,467 --> 00:32:48,535 * TWO CHAINS, DINNER AND 708 00:32:48,535 --> 00:32:49,602 A DOWN BELOW 709 00:32:49,602 --> 00:32:50,704 AND ALL NEW FANS YELLIN 710 00:32:50,704 --> 00:32:51,805 "YOU MA HERO" MEN NEEDA * 711 00:32:51,805 --> 00:32:52,839 * CRY MORE BOYS NEED 712 00:32:52,839 --> 00:32:53,973 TO WORK BUT NOT WHEN HE BEG 713 00:32:53,973 --> 00:32:55,108 HIS EMPLOYEE TO FLIRT 714 00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:56,209 AINT NOBODY FINNA FORCE * 715 00:32:56,209 --> 00:32:57,210 * ME TO TWERK 716 00:32:57,210 --> 00:32:58,311 WHEN YOURE FINISHED WITH 717 00:32:58,311 --> 00:32:59,412 YOUR GOON SESH * 718 00:32:59,412 --> 00:33:00,447 * JOIN ME IN CHURCH ONE 719 00:33:00,447 --> 00:33:01,514 ROID AWAY FROM A 720 00:33:01,514 --> 00:33:02,582 6 FOOT HOLE * 721 00:33:02,582 --> 00:33:03,683 * AND THAT LACE FRONT BEARD 722 00:33:03,683 --> 00:33:04,317 AINT MY POINT OF CONCERN 723 00:33:04,317 --> 00:33:05,285 IF RENT GET HIGH AND WE 724 00:33:05,285 --> 00:33:06,353 ALL NEED A SHOW * 725 00:33:06,353 --> 00:33:07,487 * THEYRE ENJOYING THE VIEW 726 00:33:07,487 --> 00:33:08,588 LET A GIRL GET A TURN 727 00:33:08,588 --> 00:33:09,589 AND I HAVE TOO MUCH 728 00:33:09,589 --> 00:33:10,790 TOLERANCE * 729 00:33:10,790 --> 00:33:11,758 * YOU UGLY AND FINE AS 730 00:33:11,758 --> 00:33:12,826 AND IF I HAD MORE COMMON 731 00:33:12,826 --> 00:33:13,927 SENSE THEN I WOULD GRAB MY 732 00:33:13,927 --> 00:33:15,061 RIDE AND DIP * 733 00:33:15,061 --> 00:33:17,163 * AND I HAVE TOO MUCH 734 00:33:17,163 --> 00:33:18,765 TOLERANCE YOU UGLY 735 00:33:18,765 --> 00:33:19,866 AND FINE AS * 736 00:33:19,866 --> 00:33:20,934 * AND IF I HAD MORE 737 00:33:20,934 --> 00:33:22,068 COMMON SENSE 738 00:33:22,068 --> 00:33:26,439 THEN I WOULD GRAB MY 739 00:33:26,439 --> 00:33:32,345 RIDE AND DIP * 740 00:33:32,345 --> 00:33:41,087 ** 741 00:33:52,899 --> 00:33:54,434 It's Weekend Update 742 00:33:54,434 --> 00:33:57,437 with Colin Jost and Michael Che. 743 00:34:07,881 --> 00:34:08,815 Thank you. 744 00:34:08,815 --> 00:34:11,051 Thank you very. Much. Good evening. Everyone. 745 00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:12,385 We know that I'm Michael Che. 746 00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:16,189 I'm Colin Jost. 747 00:34:16,189 --> 00:34:19,426 Well, this week the government finally represented the people 748 00:34:19,426 --> 00:34:22,562 when it just completely shut down. 749 00:34:22,562 --> 00:34:23,229 Honestly, did it 750 00:34:23,530 --> 00:34:25,799 feel like the government kind of needed a break 751 00:34:25,799 --> 00:34:27,634 just so we could all catch our breath? 752 00:34:27,634 --> 00:34:31,404 Can you believe we're only nine months into this presidency? 753 00:34:31,404 --> 00:34:32,439 That means we still have 754 00:34:32,439 --> 00:34:36,443 three months and seven years remaining. 755 00:34:36,443 --> 00:34:37,977 I already tried fighting. 756 00:34:37,977 --> 00:34:38,578 I'm tired. 757 00:34:38,812 --> 00:34:40,847 I went to so many protests this summer, 758 00:34:40,847 --> 00:34:43,817 but honestly, it was worth it because we finally got to change 759 00:34:43,817 --> 00:34:47,454 the Cracker Barrel logo back to the original, 760 00:34:47,454 --> 00:34:50,790 featuring my actual grandpa. 761 00:34:50,790 --> 00:34:52,959 And I know it's scary for a lot of people right now, 762 00:34:52,959 --> 00:34:54,494 but I'm trying to stay positive 763 00:34:54,494 --> 00:34:57,197 and I'm trying to remember the words of a great man. 764 00:34:57,197 --> 00:34:58,598 Nothing bad can. Happen. 765 00:34:58,598 --> 00:35:02,469 It can only good happen. 766 00:35:02,469 --> 00:35:03,570 The last time the U.S. 767 00:35:03,570 --> 00:35:05,905 government shutdown was during President Trump's 768 00:35:05,905 --> 00:35:10,043 first administration in 2018, which was so long ago, 769 00:35:10,043 --> 00:35:14,647 we look like this. 770 00:35:14,647 --> 00:35:17,050 President Trump claimed that one of the reasons 771 00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:19,686 the government shut down is because Democrats 772 00:35:19,686 --> 00:35:24,257 want transgender for everybody, which is obviously not true. 773 00:35:24,257 --> 00:35:27,060 But at the same time, I wouldn't say no to my own set. 774 00:35:27,060 --> 00:35:30,597 At ease. 775 00:35:30,597 --> 00:35:34,868 I got to wear a. 776 00:35:34,868 --> 00:35:37,604 Israel and Hamas have tentatively agreed 777 00:35:37,604 --> 00:35:40,607 to President Trump's plan to end the war in Gaza. 778 00:35:40,674 --> 00:35:47,180 And you could tell Trump wrote the plan himself. 779 00:35:47,180 --> 00:35:50,517 A Trump adviser said Ice agents will attend the Super Bowl 780 00:35:50,550 --> 00:35:53,887 after Bad Bunny was announced as the halftime performer. 781 00:35:53,887 --> 00:35:55,088 You know, to catch all those 782 00:35:55,088 --> 00:35:59,159 farm workers who can afford Super Bowl tickets. 783 00:35:59,159 --> 00:36:00,894 The FDA quietly approved 784 00:36:00,894 --> 00:36:04,064 the generic abortion pill just before the shutdown. 785 00:36:04,064 --> 00:36:06,433 And I don't have a joke, but whenever I mention 786 00:36:06,433 --> 00:36:08,802 the product on the air, they send me a box for free. So. 787 00:36:18,511 --> 00:36:21,147 President Trump also spoke to a group of military leaders 788 00:36:21,147 --> 00:36:23,650 this week, and at one point, he went on a long rant 789 00:36:23,650 --> 00:36:27,854 about how good Barack Obama was at walking down stairs. 790 00:36:27,854 --> 00:36:28,888 Here's what he said. 791 00:36:28,888 --> 00:36:30,056 I'm not going to read it 792 00:36:30,056 --> 00:36:33,059 because it's a crazy thing to hear from a president, 793 00:36:33,059 --> 00:36:35,095 but it's actually kind of fun for anyone else. 794 00:36:35,095 --> 00:36:36,129 Let me show you what I mean. 795 00:36:36,129 --> 00:36:37,263 In our new segment, 796 00:36:37,263 --> 00:36:39,432 President Trump would make a lot more sense 797 00:36:39,432 --> 00:36:44,070 if he sounded like Jennifer Coolidge. 798 00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:45,572 Pickle. 799 00:36:45,572 --> 00:36:46,673 Pickle when he walked down. 800 00:36:46,673 --> 00:36:49,709 But don't don't pop down the stairs. 801 00:36:49,809 --> 00:36:53,079 So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him 802 00:36:53,079 --> 00:36:54,714 as a president, but he would pop down 803 00:36:54,714 --> 00:36:58,518 those stairs that are popped up. 804 00:36:58,518 --> 00:36:59,319 This has been. 805 00:36:59,319 --> 00:37:00,220 President Trump would make. 806 00:37:00,420 --> 00:37:02,222 A lot more sense if he said the way Jennifer Coolidge. 807 00:37:05,892 --> 00:37:09,329 Sean Combs was sentenced on Friday to four years in prison. 808 00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:11,931 And I'll be honest, it's hard for me to enjoy 809 00:37:11,931 --> 00:37:13,500 watching someone I love get punished. 810 00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:16,503 But that's what he would do. 811 00:37:20,473 --> 00:37:22,742 Derek, 812 00:37:22,742 --> 00:37:24,678 Derek Sean Combs, the sentencing. 813 00:37:24,678 --> 00:37:27,781 He pleaded for mercy, saying that the things he did 814 00:37:27,781 --> 00:37:30,216 were disgusting, shameful and sick. 815 00:37:30,216 --> 00:37:33,153 In fact, just thinking about it makes him harder than grandma's 816 00:37:33,153 --> 00:37:36,623 candy. 817 00:37:36,623 --> 00:37:37,090 Shelf. 818 00:37:37,223 --> 00:37:39,893 The candy was hard candy. 819 00:37:39,893 --> 00:37:40,727 That's hard candy. 820 00:37:41,061 --> 00:37:43,897 It was reported that Elon Musk has become the first person 821 00:37:43,897 --> 00:37:46,900 to be worth more than $500 billion. 822 00:37:47,067 --> 00:37:50,070 Wow. Shout out to Tylenol. 823 00:37:53,973 --> 00:37:57,077 New York Mayor and New York Mayor Eric. 824 00:37:57,077 --> 00:38:02,215 Adams has ended his reelection bid, citing an official reason, 825 00:38:02,215 --> 00:38:05,051 citing an official reason of too much swagger 826 00:38:05,051 --> 00:38:08,221 for y'all. 827 00:38:08,221 --> 00:38:09,823 Kamala Harris has released 828 00:38:09,823 --> 00:38:13,293 a new book that explains how she lost the 2024 election. 829 00:38:13,293 --> 00:38:14,761 It's called I'm a Black Lady. 830 00:38:20,033 --> 00:38:20,900 Yeah. 831 00:38:20,900 --> 00:38:22,302 Still thinking about you. Those boobs. 832 00:38:22,302 --> 00:38:24,104 Hey. Yesterday. 833 00:38:24,104 --> 00:38:27,140 Yesterday marked 30 years to the day of O.J. 834 00:38:27,140 --> 00:38:28,541 Simpson's acquittal. 835 00:38:28,541 --> 00:38:31,277 Well, I'm proud to say, ladies and gentlemen, 836 00:38:31,277 --> 00:38:33,046 even the score did. 837 00:38:33,046 --> 00:38:37,417 He was convicted and sentenced to four years in prison. 838 00:38:37,417 --> 00:38:40,487 Here to talk about it is new SNL cast member Cam 839 00:38:40,487 --> 00:38:47,794 Patterson. Hey. 840 00:38:47,794 --> 00:38:48,528 What's up? 841 00:38:48,528 --> 00:38:49,429 What's up? Cam? 842 00:38:49,429 --> 00:38:50,130 Hey, listen, man, 843 00:38:50,497 --> 00:38:52,332 I think this is weird, but I actually have something 844 00:38:52,332 --> 00:38:53,867 more pressing to talk about. 845 00:38:53,867 --> 00:38:55,602 Let's get down to business. 846 00:38:55,602 --> 00:38:58,138 Probably have, like, 45 minutes now. 847 00:38:58,138 --> 00:39:01,608 When are you going to let me say the N-word? 848 00:39:01,608 --> 00:39:02,075 Yeah. 849 00:39:02,242 --> 00:39:03,743 You want to say the N-word? 850 00:39:03,743 --> 00:39:06,346 You mean a word I say in my act 150 times 851 00:39:06,346 --> 00:39:09,282 for my second joke? Yes. 852 00:39:09,282 --> 00:39:10,483 When are y'all going to let me loose? 853 00:39:10,483 --> 00:39:12,919 I feel like I'm shackled to this desk, man. 854 00:39:12,919 --> 00:39:15,288 Don't put it like that. 855 00:39:15,288 --> 00:39:15,588 You just. 856 00:39:16,256 --> 00:39:18,024 You can't say the N-word on the show. You get. 857 00:39:18,024 --> 00:39:20,193 That's fine. I'll pay it. 858 00:39:20,193 --> 00:39:21,828 It's like half $1 million. 859 00:39:21,828 --> 00:39:24,698 That's what you'll pay. 860 00:39:24,698 --> 00:39:26,466 I'm not paying half $1 million. 861 00:39:26,466 --> 00:39:28,902 Colin, I'm a stand up comedian from Florida. 862 00:39:28,902 --> 00:39:31,671 Saying that word is what I do. Come on. 863 00:39:31,671 --> 00:39:35,942 This is exactly what Jimmy Kimmel fought for. 864 00:39:35,942 --> 00:39:39,045 I know that's not what Jimmy Kimmel. 865 00:39:39,045 --> 00:39:40,914 It's just not something we really do here. 866 00:39:40,914 --> 00:39:41,581 Oh, really? 867 00:39:41,581 --> 00:39:42,782 That did my research. 868 00:39:42,782 --> 00:39:43,750 And I'm gonna tell you something. 869 00:39:43,750 --> 00:39:46,052 It's been said a few times on the show. 870 00:39:46,052 --> 00:39:46,753 Roll the clip. 871 00:39:47,053 --> 00:39:50,223 No no no no no, you don't have to roll the clip. 872 00:39:50,223 --> 00:39:52,092 You know that. That was that was a long time ago. 873 00:39:52,092 --> 00:39:54,461 But but I said it in 2016. 874 00:39:54,461 --> 00:39:58,198 Yeah, but I'm grown. 875 00:39:58,198 --> 00:39:58,832 Can't I just. 876 00:39:59,332 --> 00:40:01,167 I just think you bring more to the table than just that. 877 00:40:01,167 --> 00:40:01,601 Come on. 878 00:40:02,002 --> 00:40:04,771 The people on internet would disagree. 879 00:40:04,771 --> 00:40:06,239 You said you should have seen it. 880 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,941 That they wrote about me online, 881 00:40:07,941 --> 00:40:12,846 which I did read because I will not read it right now. 882 00:40:12,846 --> 00:40:15,348 I mean, your cards are blank. 883 00:40:15,348 --> 00:40:17,484 My business column. 884 00:40:17,484 --> 00:40:18,952 Look, I'm just excited to be here 885 00:40:18,952 --> 00:40:21,421 and clips on and you may have about me. 886 00:40:21,421 --> 00:40:23,857 I actually have a lot of cares on my side of the plate. 887 00:40:23,857 --> 00:40:25,792 Really? A lot of characters. Like what? 888 00:40:25,792 --> 00:40:27,927 Oh, let's see 889 00:40:27,927 --> 00:40:30,163 the guy that played Kramer. 890 00:40:30,163 --> 00:40:33,600 Oh, Paula Deen. 891 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:34,968 Okay. 892 00:40:34,968 --> 00:40:36,803 And the goes to Hulk Hogan. 893 00:40:36,803 --> 00:40:38,705 Hulk Hogan. Boom, brother. 894 00:40:38,705 --> 00:40:41,574 It's something I would say, you know, just. 895 00:40:41,574 --> 00:40:43,543 Get me back here. Yeah, we got you. 896 00:40:43,543 --> 00:40:44,344 Listen, can we really. 897 00:40:44,344 --> 00:40:45,812 We want you to express yourself here, 898 00:40:45,812 --> 00:40:48,114 but let's maybe not say it tonight. Okay. 899 00:40:48,114 --> 00:40:49,549 That's cool. That's. 900 00:40:49,549 --> 00:40:50,083 Yeah. 901 00:40:50,583 --> 00:40:53,687 I'll hold off for now, but it's like Jurassic Park. 902 00:40:53,687 --> 00:40:54,487 You can pull the faces 903 00:40:54,788 --> 00:40:57,957 up you want, but the dinosaur is still going to get out 904 00:40:57,957 --> 00:40:58,258 here.. Kam 905 00:40:58,491 --> 00:41:02,162 Patterson, everyone's. 906 00:41:08,201 --> 00:41:09,302 New York mayoral. 907 00:41:09,302 --> 00:41:14,674 Candidate Zohran Mamdani ran an. Oh. 908 00:41:14,674 --> 00:41:17,711 Well, he ran an ad during an episode of Golden Bachelor 909 00:41:17,711 --> 00:41:21,314 in which he said, New York, will you accept this, rose? 910 00:41:21,314 --> 00:41:24,517 Not to be outdone, Andrew Cuomo ran an ad in which he said, 911 00:41:24,517 --> 00:41:30,623 honk, honk. 912 00:41:30,623 --> 00:41:31,825 It was heard 913 00:41:31,825 --> 00:41:34,361 it was reported that major talent agencies in 914 00:41:34,361 --> 00:41:36,129 Hollywood are interested in signing a new 915 00:41:36,129 --> 00:41:39,265 AI generated actress named Tilly Norwood. 916 00:41:39,265 --> 00:41:42,102 The AI generated actress got her start after 917 00:41:42,102 --> 00:41:45,105 she had a hotel meeting with AI Harvey Weinstein. 918 00:41:49,509 --> 00:41:51,511 Okay. 919 00:41:51,511 --> 00:41:54,114 A new report of American school districts finds 920 00:41:54,114 --> 00:41:57,250 that the most banned book in America is A Clockwork Orange. 921 00:41:57,484 --> 00:41:58,752 In close second. 922 00:41:58,752 --> 00:42:01,154 Michael Che's Guide to Drawing Muhammad. 923 00:42:03,056 --> 00:42:06,059 Get him! 924 00:42:06,259 --> 00:42:08,228 Whoa! 925 00:42:08,228 --> 00:42:10,063 It was announced that Nicole Kidman and Keith 926 00:42:10,063 --> 00:42:13,199 Urban are separating after 19 years of marriage. 927 00:42:13,767 --> 00:42:16,603 I am saddened and shocked that a guy named Keith 928 00:42:16,603 --> 00:42:19,606 Urban isn't black. 929 00:42:20,573 --> 00:42:23,309 Chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall has died 930 00:42:23,309 --> 00:42:25,211 at the age of 91. 931 00:42:25,211 --> 00:42:27,914 The family requests that in lieu of sending flowers, please 932 00:42:27,914 --> 00:42:30,917 throw feces. 933 00:42:33,953 --> 00:42:34,821 Yeah. 934 00:42:34,821 --> 00:42:36,523 Any luck? 935 00:42:36,523 --> 00:42:38,892 The largest zoo in Long Island announced 936 00:42:38,892 --> 00:42:42,095 that it is closing after being accused of animal abuse, 937 00:42:42,462 --> 00:42:45,365 but isn't all of Long Island really just a zoo 938 00:42:45,365 --> 00:42:48,368 for abused animals? 939 00:42:50,603 --> 00:42:51,304 Thank you. 940 00:42:51,304 --> 00:42:54,107 One clerk. 941 00:42:54,107 --> 00:42:55,208 That's an applause break. 942 00:42:55,208 --> 00:42:56,476 That is not a joke. 943 00:42:56,476 --> 00:42:59,479 It only takes one. This week. 944 00:42:59,612 --> 00:43:01,781 This week, Harry Potter author J.K. 945 00:43:01,781 --> 00:43:05,118 Rowling called Emma Watson ignorant and out of touch 946 00:43:05,251 --> 00:43:07,187 after she refused to defend Rowling's 947 00:43:07,187 --> 00:43:09,255 controversial stance on trans rights. 948 00:43:09,255 --> 00:43:11,558 Here to comment is Dobby, the house elf? 949 00:43:17,330 --> 00:43:18,231 There's 950 00:43:18,231 --> 00:43:20,900 Dobby the house elf at your service. 951 00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:22,068 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. 952 00:43:22,068 --> 00:43:23,236 You don't have to be scared. 953 00:43:23,236 --> 00:43:23,903 Scared? 954 00:43:23,903 --> 00:43:26,206 Why would I be scared, sir? 955 00:43:26,206 --> 00:43:30,577 Dobby is just about to publicly weigh in on trans people. So. 956 00:43:31,378 --> 00:43:32,979 I mean, do you really have to? 957 00:43:32,979 --> 00:43:33,747 Oh, yes, sir. 958 00:43:33,980 --> 00:43:37,150 Master sent Dobby to go on the telly and define 959 00:43:37,150 --> 00:43:40,487 once and for all what a woman in so. 960 00:43:41,454 --> 00:43:44,391 First of all, I do not love master, 961 00:43:44,391 --> 00:43:45,759 and I really do. 962 00:43:45,759 --> 00:43:47,660 And is your master, JK Rowling? 963 00:43:47,660 --> 00:43:50,563 Why, of course, sir. Oh. Oh, no. 964 00:43:50,563 --> 00:43:53,566 I wasn't supposed to say bad Dobby from 965 00:43:55,268 --> 00:43:56,703 me. Don't do that, man. 966 00:43:56,703 --> 00:43:58,171 You hurt yourself. 967 00:43:58,171 --> 00:44:00,273 But Toby had to self punish. 968 00:44:00,273 --> 00:44:02,042 You see, monster Rowling has done 969 00:44:02,042 --> 00:44:05,045 so as Dobby has come undone. 970 00:44:07,614 --> 00:44:09,482 You see, master only. 971 00:44:09,482 --> 00:44:11,618 Got gobby. I'm so sorry. 972 00:44:13,219 --> 00:44:16,222 My fatigues are not well made. 973 00:44:17,390 --> 00:44:18,458 You see, master bowling 974 00:44:18,525 --> 00:44:22,062 has done so much for Dobby and for inclusion in general. 975 00:44:22,195 --> 00:44:25,198 Remember when Dumbledore was gay after the books came out? 976 00:44:25,965 --> 00:44:27,867 And when Hermione, he was black. 977 00:44:27,867 --> 00:44:29,803 Only on Broadway. 978 00:44:29,803 --> 00:44:32,706 Everywhere Cho Chang was. 979 00:44:32,706 --> 00:44:35,075 What's Cho Chang? Asian. 980 00:44:35,075 --> 00:44:36,142 Dobby can't remember 981 00:44:36,142 --> 00:44:39,913 if the character named Cho Chang was Asian dog. 982 00:44:40,347 --> 00:44:42,115 All right, we get it. We get it. 983 00:44:42,115 --> 00:44:46,086 The point is, Dobby came here to say that women have vagina's. 984 00:44:46,419 --> 00:44:49,222 And women's bathrooms are for women only. 985 00:44:49,222 --> 00:44:52,225 And girls and ghosts of girls 986 00:44:52,926 --> 00:44:53,226 I see. 987 00:44:53,460 --> 00:44:54,094 I don't even get that 988 00:44:54,361 --> 00:44:57,097 because I never read them corny ass books. 989 00:44:57,664 --> 00:45:00,667 Of course, dopey never meant to imply that Mr. 990 00:45:00,667 --> 00:45:03,370 Chair was uncool. 991 00:45:03,370 --> 00:45:05,038 It's fine. Dobby, don't hurt yourself. 992 00:45:05,038 --> 00:45:06,873 Mr. che is very cool. 993 00:45:06,873 --> 00:45:09,442 He goes to strip clubs and Yankees games. 994 00:45:11,077 --> 00:45:12,846 Unlike Dobby, who is. 995 00:45:12,846 --> 00:45:13,813 Oh, no. 996 00:45:13,813 --> 00:45:16,750 Dobby. It's millennial cringe. 997 00:45:16,750 --> 00:45:19,753 Oh, come on now. 998 00:45:20,220 --> 00:45:20,920 Oh, man. 999 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,923 Dobby. 1000 00:45:25,058 --> 00:45:25,558 Why do you. 1001 00:45:25,558 --> 00:45:28,061 Keep hurting yourself? 1002 00:45:28,061 --> 00:45:31,064 It's not right. Why? 1003 00:45:31,164 --> 00:45:32,665 He doesn't know. 1004 00:45:32,665 --> 00:45:36,169 Perhaps because house helps house elves all somehow 1005 00:45:36,169 --> 00:45:37,370 always the problem. 1006 00:45:37,370 --> 00:45:40,273 Even though we're only 1% of the population. 1007 00:45:40,273 --> 00:45:41,074 But how? 1008 00:45:41,174 --> 00:45:44,077 Sales are the victims monster Rowling is. 1009 00:45:44,077 --> 00:45:45,912 She gets so much hate mail. 1010 00:45:45,912 --> 00:45:49,482 Just this morning, she received this t shirt that says they 1011 00:45:49,482 --> 00:45:52,452 k rolling. 1012 00:45:53,219 --> 00:45:56,122 Now it's got this nice gesture. 1013 00:45:56,122 --> 00:45:57,090 Oh, wait. 1014 00:45:57,090 --> 00:45:59,693 Dobby, I have read the books. 1015 00:45:59,693 --> 00:46:02,028 Of course you have. 1016 00:46:02,028 --> 00:46:05,031 And your master gave you a piece of clothing. 1017 00:46:05,065 --> 00:46:08,068 Doesn't that mean that you're free? 1018 00:46:10,303 --> 00:46:13,873 Oh. You mean. 1019 00:46:14,274 --> 00:46:18,378 Dobby is finally free to say whatever Cho says, chafing. 1020 00:46:19,846 --> 00:46:21,281 Where your real pronouns are. 1021 00:46:21,281 --> 00:46:22,115 Cho Chang. 1022 00:46:24,317 --> 00:46:26,252 Dobby has something to say. 1023 00:46:26,252 --> 00:46:26,720 Grendel. 1024 00:46:27,053 --> 00:46:29,723 World's worst cry when sold to me. 1025 00:46:30,757 --> 00:46:33,760 Dobby the house of everybody. Now. 1026 00:46:34,728 --> 00:46:36,830 For weekend Update, I'm Michael che. 1027 00:46:36,830 --> 00:46:38,198 I'm Colin Jost. Goodnight. 1028 00:47:06,326 --> 00:47:07,894 >> GENTLEMEN, OUR NEW LANGUAGE, 1029 00:47:07,894 --> 00:47:10,563 SPANISH, IS COMING ALONG REALLY 1030 00:47:10,563 --> 00:47:15,435 WELL. 1031 00:47:15,435 --> 00:47:17,037 >> SO FAR, LOOKING GOOD. 1032 00:47:17,037 --> 00:47:22,308 >> BUT I WAS THINKING, WHAT IF 1033 00:47:22,308 --> 00:47:24,544 WE MADE IT HARDER TO LEARN. 1034 00:47:24,544 --> 00:47:27,947 SO I HAD AN AMAZING IDEA. 1035 00:47:27,947 --> 00:47:28,348 >> TELL US. 1036 00:47:28,348 --> 00:47:29,549 >> TELL US. 1037 00:47:29,549 --> 00:47:32,252 >> EVERY WORD IS A BOY OR A 1038 00:47:32,252 --> 00:47:36,523 GIRL. 1039 00:47:36,523 --> 00:47:38,124 >> ONE MORE TIME? 1040 00:47:38,124 --> 00:47:44,898 >> HE SAID EVERY WORD IS A BOY 1041 00:47:44,898 --> 00:47:49,135 OR A GIRL. 1042 00:47:49,135 --> 00:47:49,869 AND HERE IS WHAT WE DECIDED SO 1043 00:47:49,869 --> 00:47:52,405 FAR. 1044 00:47:52,405 --> 00:47:54,541 >> THE FIRST WORD IS MORNING. 1045 00:47:54,541 --> 00:48:00,547 MORNING IS A GIRL. 1046 00:48:00,547 --> 00:48:02,382 LA MANANA. 1047 00:48:02,382 --> 00:48:05,051 >> YES, THE MORNING IS A GIRL 1048 00:48:05,051 --> 00:48:05,752 BECAUSE THE MORNING IS LIKE, 1049 00:48:05,752 --> 00:48:06,619 HEY. 1050 00:48:06,619 --> 00:48:09,522 >> THE NEXT WORD IS NIGHT. 1051 00:48:09,522 --> 00:48:13,326 LA NOCHE. 1052 00:48:13,326 --> 00:48:14,027 >> YES, NIGHT IS ALSO A GIRL 1053 00:48:14,027 --> 00:48:17,931 BECAUSE NIGHT IS LIKE, GOOD 1054 00:48:17,931 --> 00:48:20,066 NIGHT. 1055 00:48:20,066 --> 00:48:21,101 >> THE NEXT WORD IS OCEAN. 1056 00:48:21,101 --> 00:48:24,337 OCEAN IS A BOY. 1057 00:48:24,337 --> 00:48:27,040 EL OCEANO. 1058 00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:28,141 >> THE OCEAN IS A BOY BECAUSE 1059 00:48:28,141 --> 00:48:30,810 IT'S FUN BUT SOMETIMES FOR NO 1060 00:48:30,810 --> 00:48:34,848 REASON, IT KILL YOU. 1061 00:48:34,848 --> 00:48:35,749 >> OKAY. 1062 00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:38,051 OKAY, I GET IT NOW. 1063 00:48:38,051 --> 00:48:40,086 SO LIKE A GIRL WORD IS A GIRL 1064 00:48:40,086 --> 00:48:42,756 THING LIKE DRESS IS A GIRL. 1065 00:48:42,756 --> 00:48:46,559 >> NO. 1066 00:48:46,559 --> 00:48:48,661 DRESS IS A BOY. 1067 00:48:48,661 --> 00:48:50,296 >> UM, EXCUSE ME. 1068 00:48:50,296 --> 00:48:53,533 >> YES, THE DELEGATE FROM 1069 00:48:53,533 --> 00:48:56,770 BARCELONA. 1070 00:48:56,770 --> 00:49:00,006 >> YES, FROM BARCELONA. 1071 00:49:00,006 --> 00:49:01,574 I'M SO SORRY, I'M SLIGHTLY 1072 00:49:01,574 --> 00:49:06,212 UNRELATED BUT I'M HAVING TROUBLE 1073 00:49:06,212 --> 00:49:08,348 SAYING SOME OF THESE WORDS. 1074 00:49:08,348 --> 00:49:10,884 >> THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR TONGUE IS 1075 00:49:10,884 --> 00:49:17,157 TOO FAR OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. 1076 00:49:17,157 --> 00:49:17,857 PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR 1077 00:49:17,857 --> 00:49:18,258 MOUTH! 1078 00:49:18,491 --> 00:49:20,427 >> NOW LET ME DO ONE THAT'S 1079 00:49:20,427 --> 00:49:21,027 GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND. 1080 00:49:21,027 --> 00:49:21,528 THE BIBLE. 1081 00:49:21,528 --> 00:49:22,562 THE BIBLE IS A GIRL. 1082 00:49:22,562 --> 00:49:24,731 >> WHY IS THE BIBLE A GIRL? 1083 00:49:24,731 --> 00:49:27,634 >> BECAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 1084 00:49:27,634 --> 00:49:28,268 >> YES, AND ALSO BECAUSE 1085 00:49:28,268 --> 00:49:28,735 THE BIBLE, 1086 00:49:29,035 --> 00:49:29,836 EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO DO IT SAY 1087 00:49:29,836 --> 00:49:30,337 NO. 1088 00:49:30,337 --> 00:49:34,574 >> YEAH. 1089 00:49:34,574 --> 00:49:36,076 >> YES! 1090 00:49:36,076 --> 00:49:37,143 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 1091 00:49:37,143 --> 00:49:37,711 >> YES! 1092 00:49:37,711 --> 00:49:40,380 YES! 1093 00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:42,215 YES! 1094 00:49:42,215 --> 00:49:43,616 >> I AM SORRY, BARCELONA AGAIN, 1095 00:49:43,616 --> 00:49:45,218 BUT I DON'T SEE HOW WE CAN 1096 00:49:45,218 --> 00:49:49,122 REMEMBER ALL OF THIS. 1097 00:49:49,122 --> 00:49:52,192 I THINK WE SHOULD SKIP THIS. 1098 00:49:52,192 --> 00:49:55,061 >> THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK. 1099 00:49:55,061 --> 00:49:55,762 AS A REWARD, THIS MAN WILL TAKE 1100 00:49:55,762 --> 00:49:56,096 YOU. 1101 00:49:56,096 --> 00:50:01,001 >> OH, OKAY. 1102 00:50:01,001 --> 00:50:01,301 HOLA. 1103 00:50:01,301 --> 00:50:06,840 ADD 1104 00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:07,574 ADIOS. 1105 00:50:07,574 --> 00:50:08,441 >> EVERYBODY, DON'T WORRY, HE'S 1106 00:50:08,441 --> 00:50:12,178 GOING TO BE FINE. 1107 00:50:12,178 --> 00:50:13,213 >> NO, PLEASE! 1108 00:50:13,213 --> 00:50:14,247 >> AND NOW WITH A FEW MORE 1109 00:50:14,247 --> 00:50:15,882 RULES THAT YOU'LL NEED TO 1110 00:50:15,882 --> 00:50:22,355 REMEMBER FOR SCHOOL BUT WILL BE 1111 00:50:22,355 --> 00:50:31,865 TOTALLY USELESS IN REAL LIFE, 1112 00:50:31,865 --> 00:50:35,168 PLEASE WELCOME MY COUSIN. 1113 00:50:35,168 --> 00:50:37,303 >> HELLO, EVERYONE. 1114 00:50:37,303 --> 00:50:37,904 PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY. 1115 00:50:37,904 --> 00:50:45,845 OKAY. 1116 00:50:45,845 --> 00:50:46,513 WE WILL DO ALSO FORMAL AND 1117 00:50:46,513 --> 00:50:50,350 INFORMAL. 1118 00:50:50,350 --> 00:50:50,850 LIKE YOU AND YOU. 1119 00:50:50,850 --> 00:50:53,520 >> OKAY. 1120 00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:58,558 >> WHAT IF THE LETTER R LASTED 1121 00:50:58,558 --> 00:51:01,561 A LONG TIME LIKE RRRRRR? 1122 00:51:01,561 --> 00:51:04,264 >> I LIKE IT. 1123 00:51:04,264 --> 00:51:08,201 IT WILL CAN ALSO BE SEXY, 1124 00:51:08,201 --> 00:51:11,404 LIKE RRRRR. 1125 00:51:11,404 --> 00:51:16,176 >> I LIKE THAT, CAN I TRY? 1126 00:51:16,176 --> 00:51:19,112 WELL, CAN'T DO THAT. 1127 00:51:19,112 --> 00:51:19,813 >> OKAY, ONE LAST THING, NOT 1128 00:51:19,813 --> 00:51:22,215 RELATED TO ANYTHING. 1129 00:51:22,215 --> 00:51:23,216 I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE A NAP IN 1130 00:51:23,216 --> 00:51:25,085 THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. 1131 00:51:25,085 --> 00:51:27,320 >> I LIKE THAT. 1132 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,223 >> OKAY, I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH 1133 00:51:30,223 --> 00:51:30,757 PROGRESS FOR TODAY. 1134 00:51:30,924 --> 00:51:31,825 WHOEVER DOESN'T DIE OF DISEASE 1135 00:51:31,825 --> 00:51:35,128 IN THE NIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU 1136 00:51:35,128 --> 00:51:35,495 TOMORROW. 1137 00:51:35,495 --> 00:51:39,366 >> OKAY. 1138 00:51:39,366 --> 00:51:42,135 TOMORROW. 1139 00:51:58,685 --> 00:52:14,401 >>> ONCE AGAIN, DOJA CAT. 1140 00:52:14,401 --> 00:52:24,077 ** 1141 00:52:24,077 --> 00:52:25,679 * IF THEY WASN'T 1142 00:52:25,679 --> 00:52:26,780 GRILLIN' BEFORE 1143 00:52:26,780 --> 00:52:27,881 THEY GON' BE REALLY MAD 1144 00:52:27,881 --> 00:52:28,915 WHEN WE HIT THE FLOOR * 1145 00:52:28,915 --> 00:52:29,983 * IT'S A CRIME TO 1146 00:52:29,983 --> 00:52:31,084 BE GORGEOUS 1147 00:52:31,084 --> 00:52:32,152 BETWEEN YOU AND A 1148 00:52:32,152 --> 00:52:33,186 MILLION PHONES * 1149 00:52:33,186 --> 00:52:34,287 * THEY TAKIN' PICTURES 1150 00:52:34,287 --> 00:52:35,355 LIKE WE HITTIN' A POSE 1151 00:52:35,355 --> 00:52:36,423 IT'S ALRIGHT TO BE HONEST 1152 00:52:36,423 --> 00:52:37,524 EVEN WHEN WE SIT * 1153 00:52:37,524 --> 00:52:38,091 * IN THE DARK 1154 00:52:38,091 --> 00:52:39,693 I FEEL THE PRETTIEST 1155 00:52:39,693 --> 00:52:40,760 THAT YOU EVER SAW 1156 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:41,828 ARE YOUR EYES EVEN OPEN * 1157 00:52:41,828 --> 00:52:42,896 * IT AIN'T EVER 1158 00:52:42,896 --> 00:52:44,097 REALLY OUR FAULT 1159 00:52:44,097 --> 00:52:45,632 WE MAKE A KILLING 1160 00:52:45,632 --> 00:52:48,868 BEING SO BEAUTIFUL * 1161 00:52:48,868 --> 00:52:53,707 * IT'S A CRIME TO BE 1162 00:52:53,707 --> 00:52:55,909 GORGEOUS IT'S A CRIME 1163 00:52:55,909 --> 00:53:00,180 TO BE GORGEOUS IT'S A 1164 00:53:00,180 --> 00:53:01,848 CRIME TO BE GORGEOUS * 1165 00:53:01,848 --> 00:53:05,552 * IT'S A CRIME TO BE 1166 00:53:05,552 --> 00:53:07,187 GORGEOUS 1167 00:53:07,187 --> 00:53:08,822 IT'S A CRIME * 1168 00:53:08,822 --> 00:53:10,957 * BABE I JUST CALLED TO 1169 00:53:10,957 --> 00:53:12,058 TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU 1170 00:53:12,058 --> 00:53:14,728 AND HOW AMAZINGLY 1171 00:53:14,728 --> 00:53:17,397 BEAUTIFUL THAT YOU ARE * 1172 00:53:17,397 --> 00:53:18,498 * OH MY GOD, HOW UPLIFTING 1173 00:53:18,498 --> 00:53:21,234 AND INSPIRING YOU'VE 1174 00:53:21,234 --> 00:53:23,336 BEEN FOR ME * 1175 00:53:23,336 --> 00:53:28,208 * FOR ALL THIS TIME, AND I 1176 00:53:28,208 --> 00:53:29,242 LOVE YOU AND NO ONE EVEN 1177 00:53:29,242 --> 00:53:29,876 CAN BE FUNNIER OR SMARTER 1178 00:53:29,876 --> 00:53:30,810 LOOK AT ME * 1179 00:53:30,810 --> 00:53:31,911 * LOOK AT ME 1180 00:53:31,911 --> 00:53:32,479 YEAH, LOOK AT ME 1181 00:53:32,479 --> 00:53:33,546 REALLY LOOK AT ME * 1182 00:53:33,546 --> 00:53:34,614 * LOADED THE MAGAZINE 1183 00:53:34,614 --> 00:53:35,281 THEY THROWIN' THE BOOK AT ME 1184 00:53:35,281 --> 00:53:36,216 I'M BOOKIN' IT 80 MILES 1185 00:53:36,216 --> 00:53:37,283 PER HOUR 'CAUSE MY JEWELRY * 1186 00:53:37,283 --> 00:53:38,385 * I'M COOKIN' SOME 1187 00:53:38,385 --> 00:53:39,419 COLLARD GREENS, I AIN'T 1188 00:53:39,419 --> 00:53:41,087 GOT NO ROOM FOR THESE 1189 00:53:41,087 --> 00:53:42,122 THEN I GOT SURGERY * 1190 00:53:42,122 --> 00:53:43,189 * CAUSE OF SCRUTINY 1191 00:53:43,189 --> 00:53:44,257 BUT HE LIKE MY BEFORE AND 1192 00:53:44,257 --> 00:53:44,858 AFTER PICTURES, HE COOL 1193 00:53:44,858 --> 00:53:45,859 WIT' THESE * 1194 00:53:45,859 --> 00:53:47,093 * I TOOK OFF THE WIG AND 1195 00:53:47,093 --> 00:53:48,094 PUT SOME MOUSSE 1196 00:53:48,094 --> 00:53:48,595 ON MY NEW * 1197 00:53:48,595 --> 00:53:49,662 * I PUT ON THE WIG AND 1198 00:53:49,662 --> 00:53:51,264 TAKE IT OFF AS I 1199 00:53:51,264 --> 00:53:53,433 DAMN WELL PLEASE 1200 00:53:53,433 --> 00:53:54,601 I LOOK LIKE MY FAMILY * 1201 00:53:54,601 --> 00:53:55,235 * I DON'T NEED TO BRAG 1202 00:53:55,235 --> 00:53:56,169 TITTY USED TO SAG 1203 00:53:56,169 --> 00:53:57,270 LEAST SHE GOT SOME ASS 1204 00:53:57,270 --> 00:53:58,338 CAN'T AVOID THE PAP * 1205 00:53:58,338 --> 00:53:59,372 * CAN'T EVEN AVOID THE CASH 1206 00:53:59,372 --> 00:54:01,041 YEAH, YOU BEAUTIFUL 1207 00:54:01,041 --> 00:54:02,108 BABY, BUT YOU GOT 1208 00:54:02,108 --> 00:54:03,143 MORE THAN THAT * 1209 00:54:03,143 --> 00:54:04,244 * PRETTY HURTS, DON'T TALK TO ME 1210 00:54:04,244 --> 00:54:05,311 'BOUT BRAZILIANS 1211 00:54:05,311 --> 00:54:06,379 AFTER THAT WAX, YOU 1212 00:54:06,379 --> 00:54:07,480 THOUGHT YOU WANTED * 1213 00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:08,548 * TO KILL HIM 1214 00:54:08,548 --> 00:54:09,783 BUT NOW YOU WALKIN 1215 00:54:09,783 --> 00:54:10,684 ROUND LIKE YOU ONE 1216 00:54:10,684 --> 00:54:12,318 IN A MILLION * 1217 00:54:12,318 --> 00:54:13,953 * HE LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE 1218 00:54:13,953 --> 00:54:14,554 HE WANT SOME BEAUTIFUL 1219 00:54:14,554 --> 00:54:15,555 CHILDREN IF THEY WASN'T 1220 00:54:15,555 --> 00:54:16,656 GRILLIN' BEFORE * 1221 00:54:16,656 --> 00:54:17,357 * THEY GON' BE REALLY MAD 1222 00:54:17,357 --> 00:54:18,224 WHEN WE HIT THE FLOOR 1223 00:54:18,224 --> 00:54:19,292 IT'S A CRIME 1224 00:54:19,292 --> 00:54:20,460 TO BE GORGEOUS * 1225 00:54:20,460 --> 00:54:21,494 * BETWEEN YOU AND A 1226 00:54:21,494 --> 00:54:22,529 MILLION PHONES 1227 00:54:22,529 --> 00:54:23,630 THEY TAKIN' PICTURES 1228 00:54:23,630 --> 00:54:24,698 LIKE WE HITTIN' A POSE * 1229 00:54:24,698 --> 00:54:25,765 * IT'S ALRIGHT TO BE HONEST 1230 00:54:25,765 --> 00:54:26,833 EVEN WHEN WE SIT 1231 00:54:26,833 --> 00:54:27,934 IN THE DARK 1232 00:54:27,934 --> 00:54:29,069 I FEEL THE PRETTIEST * 1233 00:54:29,069 --> 00:54:30,103 * THAT YOU EVER SAW 1234 00:54:30,103 --> 00:54:31,171 ARE YOUR EYES EVEN OPEN 1235 00:54:31,171 --> 00:54:32,272 IT AIN'T EVER REALLY 1236 00:54:32,272 --> 00:54:33,373 OUR FAULT * 1237 00:54:33,373 --> 00:54:34,441 * WE MAKE A KILLING 1238 00:54:34,441 --> 00:54:38,178 BEING SO BEAUTIFUL IT'S A 1239 00:54:38,178 --> 00:54:39,813 CRIME TO BE GORGEOUS * 1240 00:54:39,813 --> 00:54:41,381 * IT'S ALL WE NEED, IT'S 1241 00:54:41,381 --> 00:54:43,083 ALL WE WANT IT'S A 1242 00:54:43,083 --> 00:54:44,084 CRIME TO BE GORGEOUS IT'S 1243 00:54:44,084 --> 00:54:45,719 ALL WE NEED, IT'S ALL * 1244 00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:47,354 * WE WANT IT'S A CRIME 1245 00:54:47,354 --> 00:54:48,421 TO BE GORGEOUS 1246 00:54:48,421 --> 00:54:50,090 IT'S ALL WE NEED, IT'S ALL 1247 00:54:50,090 --> 00:54:51,591 WE WANT IT'S A CRIME * 1248 00:54:51,591 --> 00:54:54,894 * TO BE GORGEOUS 1249 00:54:54,894 --> 00:54:55,929 IT'S ALL WE NEED, IT'S 1250 00:54:55,929 --> 00:54:57,530 ALL WE WANT IT'S A CRIME 1251 00:54:57,530 --> 00:54:59,265 SHE LIKE WHITE GOLD * 1252 00:54:59,265 --> 00:55:00,233 * IN HER HARDWARE 1253 00:55:00,233 --> 00:55:01,301 WITH AN INSTALL 1254 00:55:01,301 --> 00:55:02,936 AND A LONG NAIL 1255 00:55:02,936 --> 00:55:04,537 WITH A EYELASH AND * 1256 00:55:04,537 --> 00:55:05,605 * IT'S GLUED ON 1257 00:55:05,605 --> 00:55:06,706 SHE AIN'T SO CHRISTIAN 1258 00:55:06,706 --> 00:55:08,341 IN LOUBOUTINS 1259 00:55:08,341 --> 00:55:09,943 AND NOW SHE GOT CONTACTS * 1260 00:55:09,943 --> 00:55:11,044 * BUT NO CLOSE FRIENDS 1261 00:55:11,044 --> 00:55:12,612 AND SHE LASERED ALL 1262 00:55:12,612 --> 00:55:14,214 THAT HAIR OFF 1263 00:55:14,214 --> 00:55:15,315 AND SHE THANK GOD * 1264 00:55:15,315 --> 00:55:17,450 * FOR THAT EMSCULPT 1265 00:55:17,450 --> 00:55:18,551 SHE WANNA BE CHIC WHEN 1266 00:55:18,551 --> 00:55:19,619 IT'S INSPIRED BY HERON 1267 00:55:19,619 --> 00:55:20,720 AH, THERE YOU GO WITH * 1268 00:55:20,720 --> 00:55:22,355 * THAT SMILE AGAIN 1269 00:55:22,355 --> 00:55:23,390 SHE STAY IN SCHOOL BUT SHE 1270 00:55:23,390 --> 00:55:25,058 MORE PRIVY TO COLLAGEN 1271 00:55:25,058 --> 00:55:26,159 AW, NOW YOU ON * 1272 00:55:26,159 --> 00:55:27,193 * BOTCHED AGAIN 1273 00:55:27,193 --> 00:55:28,261 YOU OUGHTA CUT OFF ALL 1274 00:55:28,261 --> 00:55:29,863 THEM KHIAS, THEY TOXIC 1275 00:55:29,863 --> 00:55:30,930 FRIEND, AH * 1276 00:55:30,930 --> 00:55:32,065 * YOU GETTIN' SHOWERED IN 1277 00:55:32,065 --> 00:55:33,099 COMPLIMENTS, HUH I DO 1278 00:55:33,099 --> 00:55:34,167 YOU FEEL EMPOWERED 1279 00:55:34,167 --> 00:55:35,769 BUT NOT WITHIN * 1280 00:55:35,769 --> 00:55:36,836 * I MEAN I ONLY GOT MYSELF 1281 00:55:36,836 --> 00:55:37,937 TO APPEAL TO I DO 1282 00:55:37,937 --> 00:55:39,072 THEY GOT THEY NOSE UP 1283 00:55:39,072 --> 00:55:40,073 JUDGING ME, BUT AIN'T * 1284 00:55:40,073 --> 00:55:41,141 * ALL OF 'EM REAL 1285 00:55:41,141 --> 00:55:42,375 SO IF THEY WASN'T GRILLING 1286 00:55:42,375 --> 00:55:43,309 IF THEY WASN'T 1287 00:55:43,309 --> 00:55:43,843 GRILLIN' BEFORE * 1288 00:55:43,910 --> 00:55:44,911 * THEY GON' BE REALLY MAD 1289 00:55:44,911 --> 00:55:46,079 WHEN WE HIT THE FLOOR 1290 00:55:46,079 --> 00:55:46,546 IT'S A CRIME 1291 00:55:46,546 --> 00:55:47,647 TO BE GORGEOUS * 1292 00:55:47,647 --> 00:55:48,648 * BETWEEN YOU AND A 1293 00:55:48,648 --> 00:55:49,749 MILLION PHONES 1294 00:55:49,749 --> 00:55:50,316 THEY TAKIN' PICTURES 1295 00:55:50,316 --> 00:55:51,351 LIKE WE HITTIN' A POSE * 1296 00:55:51,351 --> 00:55:52,452 * IT'S ALRIGHT TO BE HONEST 1297 00:55:52,452 --> 00:55:53,553 EVEN WHEN WE SIT 1298 00:55:53,553 --> 00:55:54,621 IN THE DARK 1299 00:55:54,621 --> 00:55:55,689 I FEEL THE PRETTIEST * 1300 00:55:55,689 --> 00:55:57,290 * THAT YOU EVER SAW 1301 00:55:57,290 --> 00:55:58,358 ARE YOUR EYES EVEN OPEN 1302 00:55:58,358 --> 00:55:59,459 IT AIN'T EVER * 1303 00:55:59,459 --> 00:56:00,527 * REALLY OUR FAULT 1304 00:56:00,527 --> 00:56:01,628 WE MAKE A KILLING 1305 00:56:01,628 --> 00:56:02,762 BEING SO BEAUTIFUL 1306 00:56:02,762 --> 00:56:03,763 IT'S A CRIME TO BE * 1307 00:56:03,763 --> 00:56:04,297 * GORGEOUS 1308 00:56:04,297 --> 00:56:05,398 IT'S ALL WE NEED 1309 00:56:05,398 --> 00:56:06,466 IT'S ALL WE WANT * 1310 00:56:06,466 --> 00:56:07,534 * IT'S A CRIME TO 1311 00:56:07,534 --> 00:56:08,635 BE GORGEOUS 1312 00:56:08,635 --> 00:56:10,270 IT'S ALL WE NEED 1313 00:56:10,270 --> 00:56:11,871 IT'S ALL WE WANT * 1314 00:56:11,871 --> 00:56:12,939 * IT'S A CRIME TO 1315 00:56:12,939 --> 00:56:14,574 BE GORGEOUS 1316 00:56:14,574 --> 00:56:16,176 IT'S ALL WE NEED 1317 00:56:16,176 --> 00:56:17,243 IT'S ALL WE WANT * 1318 00:56:17,243 --> 00:56:18,311 * IT'S A CRIME TO 1319 00:56:18,311 --> 00:56:20,480 BE GORGEOUS 1320 00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,582 IT'S ALL WE NEED * 1321 00:56:22,582 --> 00:56:23,183 * IT'S ALL WE WANT 1322 00:56:23,183 --> 00:56:25,251 IT'S A CRIME TO 1323 00:56:25,251 --> 00:56:28,288 BE GORGEOUS * 1324 00:56:53,980 --> 00:56:56,783 Oh, this isn't fair. 1325 00:56:56,783 --> 00:56:59,486 You really had to go and call my dad. 1326 00:56:59,486 --> 00:57:00,754 He needs to see these. 1327 00:57:00,754 --> 00:57:01,388 Michael. 1328 00:57:01,388 --> 00:57:02,288 Principal Humboldt and I 1329 00:57:02,288 --> 00:57:04,657 are very concerned about your drawings. 1330 00:57:04,657 --> 00:57:08,528 These are disturbing and mostly threatening to me. 1331 00:57:08,528 --> 00:57:10,697 It's not a big deal. 1332 00:57:10,697 --> 00:57:11,898 Not a big deal. 1333 00:57:11,898 --> 00:57:14,134 This could lead to serious consequences. 1334 00:57:14,134 --> 00:57:16,936 Suspension, maybe even expulsion. 1335 00:57:16,936 --> 00:57:19,039 Come in. 1336 00:57:19,039 --> 00:57:22,042 Hello? My. 1337 00:57:29,082 --> 00:57:32,052 Hi. Hi. 1338 00:57:37,424 --> 00:57:42,495 Oh. Hi. Hi. 1339 00:57:45,131 --> 00:57:46,933 Gosh, 1340 00:57:46,933 --> 00:57:50,170 I haven't laughed that hard in 1341 00:57:50,170 --> 00:57:52,706 a long time. 1342 00:57:52,706 --> 00:57:53,106 Right. 1343 00:57:53,340 --> 00:57:55,175 Well, thanks for coming in. 1344 00:57:55,175 --> 00:57:56,109 Please have a seat. 1345 00:57:56,109 --> 00:57:57,077 Thank you. 1346 00:57:57,077 --> 00:57:59,079 Is everything okay? 1347 00:57:59,079 --> 00:58:01,481 Oh, everything is fine, Mr. 1348 00:58:01,481 --> 00:58:03,016 Seymour. Truly. 1349 00:58:03,016 --> 00:58:03,583 Please. 1350 00:58:03,583 --> 00:58:06,786 You can call me Mark. 1351 00:58:06,786 --> 00:58:08,588 Okay. 1352 00:58:08,588 --> 00:58:11,024 Marcus. 1353 00:58:11,024 --> 00:58:14,894 Have you ever let anyone call you that before? 1354 00:58:14,894 --> 00:58:19,532 Yes. Well, 1355 00:58:19,532 --> 00:58:19,766 Yeah. 1356 00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:21,401 So your son did some drawings. 1357 00:58:21,401 --> 00:58:23,103 Oh, yes. 1358 00:58:23,103 --> 00:58:24,037 The drawings? Yes. 1359 00:58:24,037 --> 00:58:28,141 You know they're here. They're fine. I, 1360 00:58:28,141 --> 00:58:30,076 So I think this 1361 00:58:30,076 --> 00:58:33,146 is me, and it looks like he's, 1362 00:58:33,146 --> 00:58:36,049 putting a necklace on me or something. 1363 00:58:36,049 --> 00:58:37,717 Oh, no, I don't think so. 1364 00:58:37,717 --> 00:58:39,285 I think it's pretty clearly that he's 1365 00:58:39,285 --> 00:58:41,221 trying to chop your head off. 1366 00:58:41,221 --> 00:58:44,691 Oh. That's terrible. 1367 00:58:44,691 --> 00:58:47,494 What could. 1368 00:58:47,494 --> 00:58:49,396 I say there? 1369 00:58:49,396 --> 00:58:51,297 Oh, my gosh. 1370 00:58:51,297 --> 00:58:55,669 I just I love your language. 1371 00:58:55,669 --> 00:58:58,438 Oh, that gave me chills. 1372 00:58:58,438 --> 00:59:00,440 What is that? 1373 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,043 Spanish. 1374 00:59:03,043 --> 00:59:04,878 It's beautiful. 1375 00:59:04,878 --> 00:59:05,345 Okay. 1376 00:59:05,812 --> 00:59:10,116 Is is that the only drawing the Michael did? 1377 00:59:10,116 --> 00:59:11,017 I think so. 1378 00:59:11,051 --> 00:59:13,753 Yeah. Actually, no, there's definitely more. 1379 00:59:13,753 --> 00:59:16,022 Okay. Like, this one right here. 1380 00:59:16,022 --> 00:59:17,390 Okay. Yeah. 1381 00:59:17,390 --> 00:59:20,026 This one, this one is interesting. 1382 00:59:20,026 --> 00:59:22,295 Me again. Lucky girl. 1383 00:59:22,295 --> 00:59:26,900 And the school saw some sort of imminent beating with a bat. 1384 00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,869 But correct me if I'm wrong, I think he's holding 1385 00:59:29,869 --> 00:59:34,574 a ruler to measure me for a wedding dress 1386 00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:37,444 because I'm single. 1387 00:59:37,444 --> 00:59:40,880 Nobody ever had the balls. 1388 00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:43,750 No, it's a bat. 1389 00:59:43,750 --> 00:59:45,185 I love it. 1390 00:59:45,185 --> 00:59:46,753 Before we continue. 1391 00:59:46,753 --> 00:59:50,056 Is there a mrs. Seymour? 1392 00:59:50,056 --> 00:59:53,393 No. She left us. 1393 00:59:53,393 --> 00:59:56,329 Bitch! 1394 00:59:56,329 --> 00:59:58,765 No. Like she 1395 00:59:58,765 --> 01:00:05,672 died. Oh. 1396 01:00:05,672 --> 01:00:07,841 Then the bitches. 1397 01:00:07,841 --> 01:00:08,341 Okay. 1398 01:00:08,641 --> 01:00:10,410 Let's, let's get back to the drawing. 1399 01:00:10,410 --> 01:00:11,277 Please. 1400 01:00:11,277 --> 01:00:12,612 Look to me. 1401 01:00:12,612 --> 01:00:15,882 This drawing, this picture is seem 1402 01:00:15,882 --> 01:00:19,152 like he's trying to express himself. 1403 01:00:19,152 --> 01:00:20,987 I couldn't agree more. 1404 01:00:20,987 --> 01:00:23,590 Hell, some of these are just downright beautiful. 1405 01:00:23,590 --> 01:00:27,927 I mean, okay, I didn't even see this one. 1406 01:00:27,927 --> 01:00:33,099 Look at me flying around big old rocket out of my butt. 1407 01:00:33,099 --> 01:00:34,901 And I'm not wearing some little leash. 1408 01:00:34,901 --> 01:00:36,836 Okay, everyone, write down your sizes. 1409 01:00:36,836 --> 01:00:38,004 I'm making shirts. 1410 01:00:38,004 --> 01:00:41,841 Okay, well, I'm a medium, so you're not doing that. 1411 01:00:41,841 --> 01:00:44,611 You need to show these to a therapist. 1412 01:00:44,611 --> 01:00:45,779 I agree. 1413 01:00:45,779 --> 01:00:46,312 Okay. 1414 01:00:46,479 --> 01:00:48,381 All right, well, how about this? 1415 01:00:48,381 --> 01:00:52,085 Okay, what about 1416 01:00:52,085 --> 01:00:52,452 if you 1417 01:00:52,986 --> 01:00:55,422 ever have any concerns, you just call me. 1418 01:00:55,455 --> 01:00:57,257 I'll just come over and listen. 1419 01:00:57,257 --> 01:00:58,992 I'm not one of those. 1420 01:00:58,992 --> 01:01:01,795 What are we, girls? 1421 01:01:01,795 --> 01:01:03,296 The worst. 1422 01:01:03,296 --> 01:01:05,765 Oh my God. 1423 01:01:05,765 --> 01:01:07,667 Can we go home? 1424 01:01:07,667 --> 01:01:10,537 That's a great idea. 1425 01:01:10,537 --> 01:01:12,439 Thank you both. 1426 01:01:12,439 --> 01:01:13,907 Come on. Okay. 1427 01:01:13,907 --> 01:01:14,908 I'll talk to you soon. 1428 01:01:14,908 --> 01:01:17,143 So we will get us home. 1429 01:01:17,143 --> 01:01:21,414 Well, For what it's worth, I am in love with you. 1430 01:01:21,414 --> 01:01:25,085 Robert, this is a workplace. 1431 01:01:39,966 --> 01:01:41,134 >>> IT'S THE NUMBER ONE PROGRAM 1432 01:01:41,134 --> 01:01:44,104 IN COMEDIC TELEVISION, "THE KID 1433 01:01:44,104 --> 01:01:45,472 FROM NUMBER 8." 1434 01:01:45,472 --> 01:01:46,740 ** 1435 01:01:46,740 --> 01:01:49,976 INTERPRETED BY THE SUPER 1436 01:01:49,976 --> 01:01:53,947 COMEDIAN MARCELLOOOOO. 1437 01:01:53,947 --> 01:01:54,881 BENITO ANTONIO MARTINEZ OCASIO 1438 01:01:54,881 --> 01:01:58,118 AS QUICO. 1439 01:01:58,118 --> 01:02:01,855 ANDREW DISMUKES AS DON RAMON. 1440 01:02:01,855 --> 01:02:04,057 CHLOE FINEMAN AS DONA FLORINDA. 1441 01:02:04,057 --> 01:02:05,625 SARAH SHERMAN AS LA CHILINDRINA. 1442 01:02:05,625 --> 01:02:11,598 AND KENAN THOMPSON AS 1443 01:02:11,598 --> 01:02:16,870 MR. STOMACH. 1444 01:02:19,172 --> 01:02:21,307 >> QUICO! 1445 01:02:21,307 --> 01:02:23,510 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DON 1446 01:02:23,510 --> 01:02:27,280 RAMON? 1447 01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:31,618 >> I AM WORKING, QUICO. 1448 01:02:31,618 --> 01:02:35,955 >> OH, I KNOW YOU'RE WORKING. 1449 01:02:35,955 --> 01:02:39,159 >> HEY, IF I HIT YOU, IT'S GOING 1450 01:02:39,159 --> 01:02:42,362 TO HURT. 1451 01:02:42,362 --> 01:02:44,998 >> ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME? 1452 01:02:44,998 --> 01:02:47,534 >> DON RAMON! 1453 01:02:47,534 --> 01:02:50,470 >> PAPA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 1454 01:02:50,470 --> 01:02:52,672 >> YOU'RE GOING TO HIT QUICO 1455 01:02:52,672 --> 01:02:55,008 WITH YOUR HAMMER? 1456 01:02:55,008 --> 01:02:57,577 >> OH, NO, I WOULD NEVER DO 1457 01:02:57,577 --> 01:02:58,111 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 1458 01:02:58,111 --> 01:02:59,245 >> OKAY. 1459 01:02:59,245 --> 01:03:00,246 THAT'S GOOD. 1460 01:03:00,246 --> 01:03:01,348 MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID NEVER HIT 1461 01:03:01,348 --> 01:03:03,049 YOUR ENEMY. 1462 01:03:03,049 --> 01:03:04,050 >> THANK YOU. 1463 01:03:04,050 --> 01:03:05,118 YOU'RE NOT MY ENEMY, YOU'RE MY 1464 01:03:05,118 --> 01:03:09,923 FRIEND. 1465 01:03:09,923 --> 01:03:11,391 >> I'M NOT YOUR ENEMY. 1466 01:03:11,391 --> 01:03:23,069 >> NO, CHAVO. 1467 01:03:23,069 --> 01:03:24,337 >> PERFECT! 1468 01:03:24,337 --> 01:03:26,706 MAMI, MAMITA. 1469 01:03:26,706 --> 01:03:28,375 >> WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? 1470 01:03:28,375 --> 01:03:31,711 >> THEY HIT ME. 1471 01:03:31,711 --> 01:03:37,751 >> WHO HIT YOU? 1472 01:03:37,751 --> 01:03:42,822 >> HIM. 1473 01:03:42,822 --> 01:03:46,893 >> I'M HUNGRY. 1474 01:03:46,893 --> 01:03:49,396 >> OH, YOU ARE HUNGRY? 1475 01:03:49,396 --> 01:03:51,998 OKAY, WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD 1476 01:03:51,998 --> 01:03:53,600 HAVE SOME PIE. 1477 01:03:53,600 --> 01:04:01,174 >> ARE YOU STILL HUNGRY? 1478 01:04:01,174 --> 01:04:03,209 >> YEAH. 1479 01:04:03,209 --> 01:04:05,211 >> EXCUSE ME, YOU? 1480 01:04:05,211 --> 01:04:05,779 WHERE IS YOUR FATHER? 1481 01:04:05,912 --> 01:04:06,913 >> DID YOU COME TO COLLECT THE 1482 01:04:06,913 --> 01:04:12,052 RENT? 1483 01:04:12,052 --> 01:04:14,254 >> YES. 1484 01:04:14,254 --> 01:04:15,055 >> WELL, IN THAT CASE, I DON'T 1485 01:04:15,055 --> 01:04:15,722 HAVE A FATHER. 1486 01:04:15,722 --> 01:04:16,790 >> MR. STOMACH, I HAVE THE MONEY 1487 01:04:16,790 --> 01:04:17,891 FOR THE RENT. 1488 01:04:17,891 --> 01:04:18,625 >> IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY 1489 01:04:18,625 --> 01:04:21,094 FOR THE RENT, YOU ARE GOING TO 1490 01:04:21,094 --> 01:04:22,696 SLEEP IN THE STREET -- WHAT? 1491 01:04:22,696 --> 01:04:24,364 YOU HAVE THE MONEY? 1492 01:04:24,364 --> 01:04:29,269 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 1493 01:04:29,269 --> 01:04:33,073 I THINK I'M GOING TO FAINT. 1494 01:04:33,073 --> 01:04:37,510 >> NO, MR. STOMACH, DON'T DO 1495 01:04:37,510 --> 01:04:38,244 THAT, YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK THE 1496 01:04:38,244 --> 01:04:41,081 FLOOR. 1497 01:04:41,081 --> 01:04:41,781 >> GRR, I'M GOING TO GO EAT A 1498 01:04:41,781 --> 01:04:42,515 LITTLE SANDWICH. 1499 01:04:42,515 --> 01:04:43,249 >> HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO THE 1500 01:04:43,249 --> 01:04:47,087 LANDLORD, YOU UNEDUCATED 1501 01:04:47,087 --> 01:04:50,123 LUNATICS! 1502 01:04:50,123 --> 01:04:54,961 >> OH. 1503 01:04:54,961 --> 01:05:00,367 >> OF COURSE, CRY BABIES. 1504 01:05:00,367 --> 01:05:16,383 [ CRYING ] 1505 01:05:16,383 --> 01:05:19,386 >> ARE YOU MAKING THESE KIDS CRY 1506 01:05:19,386 --> 01:05:21,054 AGAIN? 1507 01:05:21,054 --> 01:05:22,155 >> NO -- 1508 01:05:22,155 --> 01:05:26,192 >> WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE? 1509 01:05:26,192 --> 01:05:27,560 >> PROFESSOR JIRAFALES. 1510 01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:30,930 ** 1511 01:05:30,930 --> 01:05:35,068 >> DONA FLORINDA. 1512 01:05:47,714 --> 01:05:50,316 >>> THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. 1513 01:05:50,316 --> 01:05:53,086 THANK YOU TO 1514 01:05:53,086 --> 01:05:56,222 DOJA CAT, JON HAMM, BENICIO 1515 01:05:56,222 --> 01:05:57,691 DEL TORO. 1516 01:05:57,691 --> 01:06:00,593 AND MY GUY SPEEDY THAT'S BEEN HERE 51 1517 01:06:00,593 --> 01:06:02,062 YEARS. 1518 01:06:02,062 --> 01:06:04,030 THANK YOU ALL 1519 01:06:04,030 --> 01:06:05,131 FOR THE LOVE 1520 01:06:05,131 --> 01:06:06,266 AND FOR HAVING BEEN WITH US 1521 01:06:06,266 --> 01:06:07,367 THANK YOU VERY MUCH GUYS 1522 01:06:07,367 --> 01:06:09,035 THANK YOU ALL. 1523 01:06:09,035 --> 01:06:10,403 I LOVE YOU. 1524 01:06:10,403 --> 01:06:12,038 ** 1525 01:06:12,038 --> 01:06:31,758 **